[Pull the] Trigger[ing]

Hide.

Conceal.

Modify.

Shape-shift.

Transform.

Curl up.

Freeze.

Divert.

Play dumb.

Misdirect.

Just..

Compliment them!

Say anything to make them go away..

To make this..

Feeling..

Go away!

Yeah..

That’s how I feel..

Inside my head when I’m recognized for..

All the wrong reasons.

I want to blend in.

Fade into the background.

Be invisible.

Forgotten..

IT’S BEEN TEN YEARS!

I can hear my mom saying: “Aww, baby girl.. you’re meant to stand out!”

Yeah..

Sure..

Time and place is important though.

Not now.

Not then.

But when?

I don’t know.

It may never end.

I’m spent..

Yet..

Rich.

Not with quantity but with quality.

Sure..

My circle is smaller; some by choice and others..

Out.

Of.

My.

Hands..

She’s so far..

Yet..

So close to my heart.

How could I let her go..

That way?

I know..

Tough choices had to be made.

I wasn’t mad.

I’m not mad.

I understand.

That’s where the gray comes in.

I do not live in a black and white world.

Nothing is as it seems.

And everything seems as it is.

Whoa.

This is..

Deep.

Deep within.

I hide.

Not wanting to be seen..

As I am.

For who I want to be.

I am me.

An empath who lives and loves.

---

Hey there.. It’s been awhile. I’ve been writing.. and not publishing. “The struggle is real.” This couldn’t be more true than anything I could possibly.. make up. Feeling is a process. I think.. it’s safe to say.. that we’ve all been feeling a lot in the past year. Damn. Has it been that long? Crazy. Crazy times. Crazy world. “We’re all in this together.” Yet.. we’re separated by space, time, and.. misunderstanding. Not to bring the mood down any further.. if that was possible! Haha..

So, I’ve been writing the same blog post since May. I accidentally scheduled to post it publicly before I was ready. Before it was complete. Whoops! Haha.. I quickly changed the visibility from public to private the next day (I plan on finishing it soon). Nonetheless, I hope my readers, followers, subscribers haven’t.. forgotten me (my blog).. and haven’t given up on me (my blog). When I felt like.. giving up. So many times. Those particular feelings are less and fewer in between nowadays. Took awhile to climb out of that.. dark hole.. yet.. it still lingers.. nearby.. like an old frienemy. I wave at it as I step.. on the edge. Other times, I stick my tongue out at it, flip it off, or lunge at it.. wanting to start a fight.

The writing piece above I titled: “[Pull the] Trigger[ing]” I wrote in a group Zoom video call organized by The Mighty Facebook page. I registered for their Journaling Workshop virtual event. The host created a couple writing prompts that we could utilize in a ten minute timeframe. Two rounds. Participants could share, or not, no pressure. Some drew in lieu of writing. Some recorded their voice per dyslexia in lieu of writing and read it to the group. Felt like a safe space. I tried to attend previous virtual events they held, but I couldn’t.. I wasn’t in the right head space to make that happen. I kicked myself quite a few times. But.. last night.. I made it happen. It was nice. I stayed online with this group for hours.. even joined their “After Hours” Zoom room.

Such a diverse group of creatives. All over the country. All. Over. The. World. So refreshing. We looked and sounded so different from one another.. yet.. felt similar feelings.. when we shared our pieces. If that doesn’t shake you, wake you.. Up. I don’t know what will. Thank you to the host of The Mighty. Thank you to the participants for sharing their stories.. and thus.. helping others in the process. Helping me. I highly recommend following The Mighty Facebook page. I know I’ll be joining more virtual events in the future. Hope to see ya there, maybe!

This blog post is definitely different in regards to style; compared to the previous I’ve written. It’s not a lengthy story. It’s a short journal entry. It breaks all the “rules” I’ve created inside my head of what my blog is supposed to be about.

Speaking of breaking, I chose the above photos to complement my broken writing. A fallen tree. Root and all. We’ve all been there, am I right? The fallen tree blocks paths needed to move.. on. To move forward. Somehow. There is a solution. You can go over it, under it, around it, or.. THROUGH IT. The people affected by this fallen tree decided to solve the problem by going through it. They cut through the trunk to get out.

My original blog theme:
“A picture, photographed or graphically designed, by yours truly attached with a creative written response of a thousand-ish words. Could be a tall tale, inspired by a true experience, a random journal entry, or an analysis of the photograph or design itself! Dealer’s choice.“

A random journal entry. Check.
Picture(s)/Photograph(s). Check.
Dealer’s choice. Check.

I wrote something. I accomplished something. About damn time! Haha.. Glad to be back. Hope you enjoyed this blog post. Hope you’re hanging in there. Let’s do this. This thing called.. Life.