Internal Climate

Eerily quiet, chilly breeze, soft drizzle, and heavy clouds

My mind has surprisingly quietened

Just like the empty streets in my neighborhood

Oh, how good it feels to be home!

I feel a gentle nuzzle at my side

It’s just Hex

She hasn’t left me alone since I walked..

Yes!

Walked in the door two weeks ago

She even follows me into the shower now

She sits on the tub ledge in between the two shower curtains

As a woman who runs naturally hot, this change in temperature has been nice

I’ve had the windows open and been enjoying the cool fresh air

I know Houdini does too because he’s sitting in the window sill

The rhythmic beat of rain drops calms my soul

Reminds me of the consistent chirping crickets I play on my sound machine at night to fall asleep to

It’s soothing

Comforting

Familiar

The lack of sunlight is reassuring that I have control of the brightness, if I so choose

To lamp or not to lamp?

That is the question

The wet forecast swells

Weighing heavy on my heart

They increase together

In sync with Mother Nature

I take this as I am in tune with my surroundings

Grounding

The natural music to my ears and mindfulness

I softly whisper to myself:

“This won’t last forever.

Things will get better.

Get yourself together.

Light as a feather.

Simply enjoy this weather.”

My cranium is in a desolate, vast disarray:

Torn out pieces of crumpled paper littered about for as far as I can see

Puddles of spilt milk

Dry, cracked foundation

Overgrown, luscious poison ivy

Echoes of constant barking dogs

Fluttering birds dropping their poop everywhere

Herds of brittle tumbleweeds rolling through the chaos

I start by picking up, flattening out, piling, and filing the pieces of paper

Organizing them largest to smallest

Setting out the wet, transparent ones to dry

I turn up the heat and brightness to help the drying process along

This settles down the birds as they perch upon the file cabinets

This distracts the loud, obnoxious dogs to not focus on the now still birds

The dogs begin to fetch and bring me the strewn parchment

The birds start using their beaks to neatly place the papers in the drawers

I can use all the help I can get

Other pups catch and dismantle the stray tumbleweeds

Other fowls pull the botanical vines and fill in the cracked ground

I discover that who/what were annoyances are now helping me rearrange my messy thoughts

I realize that I’m feeling grateful for silence

I remember that even shit is useful

It fertilizes crappy situations into something beautiful

I notice how even spilt milk nourishes the thirsty mind and body

I carefully glove both hands to push the poison ivy down, further into the cracked crevices

I close my eyes and concentrate as I make the surface tremble together

The pieces align into a smooth leveled path

Illuminating my way to the combined “Enter / Exit” sign

I no longer feel confined in my own streamlined, refined design

The sun begins to brightly shine upon my face

I divinely breathe, “I’m fine.”

Open thine eyes

I sense my feline intertwined nearby

I now decline this benign deadline

I desperately pine for myself

I define this life of mine

Shivers down my spine

I refuse to resign