A picture, photographed or graphically designed, by yours truly attached with a creative written response of a thousand-ish words. Could be a tall tale, inspired by a true experience, a random journal entry, or an analysis of the photograph or design itself! Dealer’s choice.
What songs are on your self-care playlist? Choose your favorite lyrics and tell us your story using those lyrics.
“Where words fail, music speaks.” -Hans Christian Andersen
I’ve been struggling with being able to write my blog recently, so this seemed fitting to share. This first song is also featured on my About Blogger section as my self-proclaimed anthem.
♫ ‘Cause I’m a warrior, I fight for my life Like a soldier all through the night And I won’t give up, I will survive, I’m a warrior And I’m stronger, that’s why I’m alive I will conquer, time after time I’ll never falter, I will survive, I’m a warrior ♪
I worry about the future because of my anxiety. I’ve redefined myself as not a worrier anymore, but a warrior.
♫ Hush, just stop There’s nothing you can do or say I’ve had enough I’m not your property as from today You might think that I won’t make it on my own But now I’m Stronger than yesterday Now it’s nothing but my way My loneliness ain’t killing me no more I, I’m stronger Then I ever thought that I could be I used to go with the flow Didn’t really care ’bout me You might think that I can’t take it, but you’re wrong ‘Cause now I’m Stronger than yesterday ♪
Crying can be perceived as a sign of weakness, however crying demonstrates how strong one is. I’ve been struggling with my emotions. I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m mad. I cry when I am in pain. I cry when I am.. overwhelmed.
♫ (Ou mata e matagi) I have crossed the horizon to find you (Ou loto mamaina toa) I know your name (Manatu atu) They have stolen the heart from inside you (Taku pelepele) But this does not define you (Manatunatu) This is not who you are You know who you are ♪ [whispers] Who you truly are
The mix of languages being sung sends chills across my skin. This slow motion scene of the hero/protagonist, Moana, confidently walking toward the villain/antagonist, Te Kā, shows courage because Moana knows deep down that Te Kā will not harm her.
“Hurt people hurt people.”
“Her bark is worse than her bite.” Means that they seem much more unpleasant or hostile than they really are.
I struggle with the light and dark within myself. I am taken back by people who show me grace and understanding during my difficult moments.
♫ I’ve been staring at the edge of the water ‘Long as I can remember Never really knowing why I wish I could be the perfect daughter But I come back to the water No matter how hard I try Every turn I take Every trail I track Every path I make Every road leads back To the place I know where I cannot go Where I long to be See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me And no one knows How far it goes If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me One day I’ll know If I go, there’s just no telling how far I’ll go ♪
Why do humans like shiny things? (haha, I know how ironic) “Researchers in the evolutionary aesthetics tradition have suggested that people prefer shiny objects because glossiness connotes water.”
I am drawn to water. I feel at peace when I am near a body of water. I am most comfortable in water. Weightless. Free. My dream home is waterfront.
♫ This is for my girls all around the world Who have come across a man that don’t respect your worth Thinkin’ all women should be seen and not heard So what do we do girls, shout out loud Lettin ’em know were gonna stand our ground So lift your hands high and wave ’em proud Take a deep breath and say it loud Never can, never will Can’t hold us down Nobody can hold us down Never can, never will ♪
The double standard of how a girl/lady/woman/female should feel, think, speak, behave, &/or dress is exhausting. We are worthy just as any other man.
♫ The whole world’s scared, so I swallow the fear The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer So cool in line, and we try, try, try But we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time Done looking for the critics ’cause they’re everywhere They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time Why do we do that, why do I do that? Why do I do that? Yeah, oh, oh pretty, pretty please Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you’re nothing You’re fuckin’ perfect to me, yeah You’re perfect, you’re perfect ♪
“You may not always be perfect, but you will always be perfect for me.”
Accepting someone as they are, flaws and all, is true unconditional love. Cherish it. I appreciate those who are patient with me. “Thank you for putting up with me.”
♫ Never win first place, I don’t support the team I can’t take direction, and my socks are never Clean Teachers dated me, my parents hated me I was always in a fight cuz I can’t do nothin’ Right Everyday I fight a war against the mirror I can’t take the person starin’ back at me I’m a hazard to myself Don’t let me get me I’m my own worst enemy It’s bad when you annoy yourself So irritating Don’t wanna be my friend no more I wanna be somebody else I wanna be somebody else, yeah ♪
I am my own worst critic. I get stuck inside my head often. I cannot stand to look at my reflection. Being at war with myself is exhausting. I am the bully and the victim. Sometimes, I need to be rescued from.. myself.
♫ When I was a young boy I was scared of growing up I didn’t understand it but I was terrified of love Felt like I had to choose but it was outta my control I needed to be saved, I was going crazy on my own It took me years to tell my mother, I expected the worst I gathered all the courage in the world She said, “I love you no matter what I just want you to be happy and always be who you are” She wrapped her arms around me Said, “Don’t try to be what you’re not ‘Cause I love you no matter what” She loves me no matter what ♪
I didn’t have to come out to my parents. My mom said she already knew:
“Ever since you were young, I noticed you have so much love to give. I knew your love was for.. everyone. Not just the opposite sex.”
If that doesn’t explain accepting and loving me “no matter what,” I don’t know what does. As for my dad, when my mom asked him about my sexuality, he simply said, “Her sex life is none of my business.” Well, there ya have it. My folks accept me “no matter what.”
♫ We don’t have time left to regret, hold on And well take more than common sense, hold on So stop your wondering, take a stand, hold on ‘Cause there’s more to life than just to live, hold on ‘Cause an empty room can be so loud There’s too many tears to drown them out So hold on, hold on Hold on, hold on One single smile, a helping hand, hold on Its not that hard to be a friend, hold on So don’t give up, stand ’til the end, hold on ‘Cause there’s more to life than just to live, hold on ‘Cause an empty room can be so loud There’s too many tears to drown them out So hold on, hold on Hold on, hold on ♪
When I am in physical pain, I hold onto my own hand and squeeze it. I hold on. I hold on for dear life and endure until it passes.
♫ I can almost see it That dream I’m dreaming But, there’s a voice inside my head saying You’ll never reach it Every step I’m taking Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking But I, I gotta keep trying Gotta keep my head held high There’s always gonna be another mountain I’m always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose Ain’t about how fast I get there Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side It’s the climb The struggles I’m facing The chances I’m taking Sometimes might knock me down, but No, I’m not breaking I may not know it But these are the moments, that I’m gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep going And I, I gotta be strong Just keep pushing on ♪
Progress isn’t a straight line or level for that matter. It’s an upwards climb with many obstacles along the way. There may be times where I lose, but I have to keep trying and not let my struggles break my spirit. Rise above the bullshit and face it head on.
♫ Party girls don’t get hurt Can’t feel anything, when will I learn? I push it down, push it down I’m the one “for a good time call” Phone’s blowin’ up, ringin’ my doorbell I feel the love, feel the love
One, two, three, one, two, three, drink 3x Throw ’em back ’til I lose count
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier From the chandelier I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist Like it doesn’t exist I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night Feel my tears as they dry I’m gonna swing from the chandelier From the chandelier
But I’m holding on for dear life Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes Keep my glass full until morning light ‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight Help me, I’m holding on for dear life Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes Keep my glass full until morning light ‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight, on for tonight
Sun is up, I’m a mess Gotta get out now, gotta run from this Here comes the shame, here comes the shame
One, two, three, one, two, three, drink 3x Throw ’em back ’til I lose count
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier From the chandelier I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist Like it doesn’t exist I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night Feel my tears as they dry I’m gonna swing from the chandelier From the chandelier
But I’m holding on for dear life Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes Keep my glass full until morning light ‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight Help me, I’m holding on for dear life Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes Keep my glass full until morning light ‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight On for tonight, on for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight Oh, I’m just holding on for tonight On for tonight, on for tonight ‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight ‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight Oh, I’m just holding on for tonight On for tonight, on for tonight ♪
I included all of the lyrics for this song because the repetition is important for addiction. It’s a vicious cycle. Filling up on a substance to feel empty inside. Where your ultimate goal is to forget your own memories. Unfortunately, all you’re doing is creating more problems instead finding a healthy solution.
If money didn't exist and there were no limits, what would your dream occupation be? How would you spend your days?
I would spend my days sitting upon a fluffy cloud, behind a large wooden desk, and before a mile long line of frustrated people who have come to me for.. ideas! I’d be the “Idea Person.” A Creative Problem Solver or Creative Consultant, if you will. These people have hit a roadblock, brain fart, or dead end and need assistance with an idea or ideas about anything under the sun: what outfit to wear, what dish to fix for dinner, how to respond to that person who’s been ghosting them, what to gift whoever for whatever occasion, how to decorate their home, what to name their new pet, what topic to write about on their school paper, what to say in their upcoming speech, how to arrange their furniture, etc. My brain never turns off and I love to come up with innovative/creative ideas to help people solve their unique obstacles!
Imagine your life is now a best-selling book. Write a summary for the back or inside cover.
Three steps forward and two steps back. Allison couldn’t walk until she was two years old. Hell, she was terrified to crawl! The rumor amongst the locals is she descends from mermaid or shark ancestors because of her numerous rows of sharp teeth. Nonetheless, she’s a Mythical Goddess! She may be a fish out of water, but she goes with the flow.. to survive. This heroine has to decide whether to rescue the Dominus in Distress, the stray animal, or the lonely child while trying not to lose herself along the way. Go ahead, turn the page to find out what “Dominus” means because now you’re curious. Come on down the rabbit hole and enjoy the fall. You’ll fall in love with Allison’s Adventures. Her name literally spells: “all is on.”
Write a letter to a former teacher about where you are [now] and what impact they had on you.
I ran into my elementary Speech Therapist at the grocery store a couple years ago So, I did get a chance to tell her what I was up to at that moment and thank her In honor of Teacher’s Appreciation Week this week May 3rd – 7th
Dear Ms. Lloyd, I travel the world as a Communications Specialist. I interact with dozens of Design Engineers from all the over the country, Canada, Mexico, France, and India. Being able to speak with every level of people, that’s all thanks to you!
You helped teach me how to speak so others can understand me and comprehend my words. This means more than I ever thought about before. I see others struggle speaking because of their speech impediments and getting lost in translation with others.
Spending those two years with you was time well spent with how I am now able to communicate with the world! You helped give me confidence! I’m no longer afraid to raise my hand or speak up for myself! Some would say I’m a Chatty Cathy, haha!
You’ve helped open so many doors for me in regards to career opportunities! I mean, come on, a “Communications” Specialist! My job title is verbally communicating in front of a group of people. How crazy is that?! I’ve also given a Maid of Honor speech, a Valedictorian speech at my college graduation, and [now] I speak/share my writing with a virtual Journaling Workshop every week.
I’d say I’m a success story! And I’ll say it again, “I’m a success story!” because I like being able to pronounce words correctly. It feels good!
How well do these labels other people have given me.. fit?
Well, not so well.. Appearance alone, people presume I’m attention-seeking because of my mohawk and bright fashion style.
I believe I’m just expressing myself. Letting my freak flag fly so other “black sheep, weirdos, and different” people feel comfortable around me. An unspoken icebreaker. We all belong.. somewhere.
“Come sit over here next to me.”
I think if we took the time to get to know each other, we’d label each other less.
It’s been five years since we’ve seen each other..
And spoken to one another.
I’ve seen her numerous times in between then.
I’ve tried reaching out.
All I’ve gotten is..
[Silence]
Silence..
Is..
So..
LOUD!
It’s deafening.
It hurts my ears.
It hurts my..
Heart.
What a heartless person.
It.
Just.
Hurts.
I try to see her perspective.
She may have her reasons.
She must have her reasons.
I’ve theorized quite a few.
If any/all are true..
I’ve accepted it.
I’m an only child.
Don’t even get me started on my brothers.
I’m an only child.
I’ve accepted it.
I do miss her.
Well..
I miss..
Certain parts of her.
Definitely not her..
Attitude.
Judgment.
Loose lips.
Superiority complex.
Insults.
I’d rather adjust to her absence..
Than be frustrated by her toxic presence.
My message to her that may very well forever go unanswered:
“Thank you.
Yes.
Thank.
You.
Thank you for showing me how not to be a sister.
Thank you for making room for other people..
Who have stepped up..
Who have chosen to be in my life..
They are my chosen family.
And you’re..
Missing..
Out.
Oh, well.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
[Silence]
I don’t care anymore.
This piece I wrote during another Journaling Workshop virtual event hosted by The Mighty that I attended earlier this week. Again, I can’t say enough about this group. They’re such a breath full of fresh air. I enjoy their company. We let all the feelings out on the floor. As I mentioned in my last post and the post before that, I highly recommend checking out their virtual events (&/or articles, social media posts, etc).
I debated about attending this virtual event since I’ve been under the weather, but I powered through it because I knew.. I needed it. It’s one of the few things I look forward to these days. Besides, nobody there could catch my germs, even if I was contagious.. Well, maybe their computer could catch a virus or two! Haha.. I’m glad I stuck it out and joined because a good piece came out of it. Go figure, even with my irritability and fatigue. I really thought I wouldn’t be able to churn anything out.. besides.. nonsense.
I chose the above photos to complement my piece because the covered bridge represents the care I had taken to preserve our estranged relationship. To bridge the gap.. between us. I kept hope alive longer than warranted. I didn’t want to burn any bridges. I’ve decided to take the high road. The covered bridge has a plaque that reads: Hyde Road. How fitting! How punny. Hy..de Road. High road.
The covered mailboxes are taken care of too. To protect those precious messages. Each mailbox is different. Varying in size, design, color, material, condition, and even how it’s attached to the post. Some by nails, brackets, or bungee cord! Some are barely holding on by a thread. Some are enclosed. Some are open ended with no cover. How symbolic of how we, humans, are.
Every family is dysfunctional. I have chosen to function through the dysfunction.
Every relationship takes a hiatus. I have chosen to make the most of the time I have.. with the people who choose to be.. Present.
The road map of life gives us countless avenues, U-turns, alleys, side streets, ol’ dirt roads, highways, exit ramps, bypasses, detours, overpasses, fast lanes, railroad crossings, pit stops, and forks in the road. We’ve all hit a fork in the road in our lives at some point. Some more than others. I hit one recently. A pretty big one, at that. It’s going to change how I spend most of my time. I lost my job. I guess there’s a first time for everything. I always have a plan, a backup plan, and even a Plan C. Just in case. I’m a planner. It’s what I do. It’s how I operate. My anxiety is mostly worrying about the future.. because the future is unknown, unpredictable, and scary.
I gotta admit.. I was blindsided. Hell, I’m still recovering from whiplash. Luckily, the damage that’s been done hasn’t diagnosed me as totaled. I’ve been given a severance package, which is nice. I will receive a payout for my unused PTO. Awaiting to hear whether I will receive my bonuses I earned/accumulated from last year. Pretty sure I won’t, which sucks! I keep forcing myself to focus on the positive and be thankful for how this ended. I’m fortunate to have such a strong support system in my life. Sure, the road flares are lighting up the dark night sky; but my air bags deployed properly, my hazard warning lights are flashing, and my road crew is taking care of me.
I first spoke of my job in my first blog post: “For the past five years, I’ve been desperately craving a creative outlet because my day job, while it has great benefits and flexibility, is at an IT company that I find monotonous; however provides me the luxury of ample spare time to express myself outside of the cookie cutter IT world.”
Maybe this is my opportunity to explore creative positions the world has to offer.. well, at least in the metropolitan area. I am open to a remote position where I can work from home. With the way technology is advancing nowadays, remote positions seem to be more common than not. I theorize, someday soon, if we must report to the office or meet a client that our presence will strictly be in hologram form.
In Kindergarten, I was assigned a project where I had to lay down on a large sheet of paper, trace my body outline, and draw/color in my future-grown-up-self. The stereotypical “What do you want to be when you grow up?” assignment that every kid in the world is asked at some point in their young lives. Most kids’ answers were: firefighter, rock star, athlete, veterinarian, astronaut, president, etc. Nope, not me. I wanted to be a Planeteer. Specifically, Linka who had a magical ring that could create and/or manipulate the element, Wind. I have cared about the environment from a very young age because my parents recycled way before it was the “cool” thing to do. I’m proud to say that I’ve never littered in my life and don’t intend to.
Interesting how kids’ answers change throughout their young lives because they are asked that stereotypical question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” over and over. I remember changing my answer several times. I wanted to be a Veterinarian once when we got our first pet, a black and white bunny named Oreo. I believe I changed my mind about that career path because I couldn’t stomach blood or putting an animal down.
I remember briefly wanting to be a singer in junior high. We had a guest speaker in our Health class, they tricked us into thinking that our answers would be confidential and placed in a time capsule for however many years. I thought.. I had a good voice, but now.. I’m sure it’s only good enough for karaoke, haha.. Disney karaoke, specifically! I highly recommend visiting the bar formerly known as Video Archive, now known as Tiki, where they have Disney Karaoke on the last Thursday of every month.
I was not fond of being forced to take a Study Hall period in junior/high school because we weren’t allowed to talk or get up from our seats whatsoever. I volunteered to work at the Library as an assistant in lieu of study hall. That was where my love of reading and books skyrocketed! I thoroughly enjoyed organizing, alphabetizing, and categorizing books on shelves. Creating displays, coordinating events, and interacting with faculty/students. This is where I obtained my exceptional skill of multi-tasking! I wanted to be a Librarian! I’d love to be a Librarian today. I happen to know a couple librarians and they rock! You know who you are!
I decided to accompany my junior/high school classmate to try out for our school’s dance team. This classmate was one of those people who couldn’t go anywhere or do anything by herself. She didn’t drag me there, but I wouldn’t have tried out on my own. So, in a way I thank her for helping me discover my love of dance! I tried out and made the team! I had never done any formal training before, so I was quite surprised to say the least!
I remember one pep rally; our Dance Coach couldn’t attend for whatever reason so the Cheerleading Coach stepped in to assist the Dance Team during our performance. I was super nervous, as I always was before any routine in front of whatever size audience. The Cheerleading Coach decided to turn us a different way, away from the bleachers, and toward the Freshmen class (including the marching band). These were my people. My Freshmen class. Some friends of mine cheered us on. Cheered me on. It helped shake my nerves, so.. I just let loose. Put it all out on the floor.
The crowd was ROARING! I think it also helped that our routine was the longest one in our arsenal and.. it had a lot of pelvic thrusts and booty shakin’ moves. When we changed formation positions, I noticed the other girls weren’t really putting their all into each move and their facial expressions weren’t lively or animated. This made me feel good that the crowd’s positive, loud response was most likely for me. My theory was proven to be correct after our performance as I tried to leave the gymnasium. I had several of my classmates, some I knew and some I did not, come up to me, pat me on the back and compliment me on my dancing skills. I felt a little taller as I walked down the hall. Made me feel good.
Then.. the Cheerleading Coach (whocoached our undefeated National Champion Cheerleading Squad) came up to me and asked if we could speak in private. I always initially have that stomach dropping moment where I feel like I’m in trouble and am being sent to the “Principal’s Office,” even though nine times out of ten, I haven’t done anything wrong. She asked me if I was interested in transferring over to the Cheerleading Squad! I. Could. Not. Believe. It. What a compliment! I knew the majority of the Cheerleaders were having issues landing their back handsprings. They were having issues with gymnastics, in general.. and that was hurting their squad. They were losing their edge.. and of course, increasing their chance of losing their undefeated title in the upcoming championships. I politely declined because I did not know how to do a back handspring or any gymnastic move for that matter. Also, my cheering voice was not great, haha.. She seemed disappointed, but I knew it was the right decision.
Even though dance was a short-lived experience in my adolescent life, I did want to be a Dancer when I grew up (not so much anymore since my knees gave out on me, haha..). Being a Dancer was up there on the list. Right next to Librarian. If you’ve read my first blog post, Once Upon a Blog, (go on, click it.. read it, I’ll wait.. I got all the time in the world now.. #FUNemployment); I talk about how I developed my passion for creative writing and photography, which spawned into my Graphic Design college major. I like to think that I am a creative person all around who has to wear many hats. Graphic Design includes being your own photographer, creative writer, web designer, social media specialist, print designer, etc. Please feel free to check out my portfolio website here. Hell, if you know of anyone who could help me find a job (in any or all of the three written positions in bold above), please share my LinkedIn profile with them. I’d appreciate it! Need all the help I can get!
I was apprehensive to publicly share my career setback this week, however, am glad I took the risk because I think humility can be a compelling attribute. I admire those who possess and share this quality. I hope the next time you hit a fork in the road and you just can’t seem to make it safely over to the shoulder; know that your road crew will be there for you: previous colleagues, professors, classmates, and/or family members. It’s important to network til you land on your feet. “It’s not what you know. It’s who you know.” -Proverb. Trust that you are not alone. Please share your fork in the road stories in the comments. I’m interested to hear about them!
A Picture is Worth a Thousand-ish Words 