Sob Storyteller

My now husband and I creatively collaborated for a fourth time! I re-introduced him to another one of my childhood favorites; the movie called Cry-Baby. It’s a raunchy spoof sprinkled with a classic charm! We utilized this flick for his new-ish magazine called: Rob’s Video (you can purchase it here).

We’re taking a time warp to 1954! No, not to Rocky Horror Picture Show, but.. you’re getting warm, haha! Alright, so, just picture it: a high school gymnasium with two long lines of teenagers anxiously waiting to be stabbed with a giant needle, which I presume to be for the polio vaccine. There are two distinct cliques: Drapes and Squares. Drapes are provocatively and darkly dressed, greased back haired guys in jeans and black leather jackets, girls in form fitting, short dresses, high heels, and with heavy makeup. Squares are conservatively and brightly dressed, guys in zoot suits, girls in cardigans, poodle skirts, saddle oxfords, with minimal makeup.

A Drape falls in love with a Square at first sight. The pair later discover they’re both orphans; the Square, Allison (played by Amy Locane), her folks died in an airplane crash. The Drape, Wade “Cry-Baby” Walker (played by Johnny Depp), his folks met their demise in Old Sparky. Cry-Baby’s sister, Pepper, is a pregnant teen mom who “can fight like a man,” played by John Waters’ Hairspray lead actress, Ricki Lake; she gives birth to baby #3 in the back of a car that’s playing chicken. Guess the adrenaline rush induces labor, haha! The bloody crazy punk rocker OG, Iggy Pop, plays Cry-Baby’s & Pepper’s uncle. Former underage porn star, Traci Lords, plays a Badass Drape Bitch, who uses her “bazooms as weapons” to ward off creepy, predatory geezers. Her “Mrs. June Clever” mom is played by none other than Patty Hearst, a former convicted felon (bank robber) whilst under the influence of a terrorist organization who kidnapped her. Another Drape gang member named Hatchet-Face plays a mean saxophone. I mean, who can resist a sexy sax?! I know I can’t, haha!

In my first two movie reviews, 1986’s Troll and 1988’s Mac & Me, they each had random musical/dance numbers that had no relevance to the storyline whatsoever; however this 1990 flick is a.. ♫ MUSICAL! ♪ This flick is where Grease meets Jailhouse Rock, minus the authentic singers. That’s right, Johnny Depp lip syncs every number in Cry-Baby! Even though Depp can sing.. he has provided vocals in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie in a drunken duet ditty of “Yo Ho a Pirate’s Life for Me.” Years later, Depp reveals his singing chops in the musicals: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street and Into the Woods. Johnny Depp is in touch with his musical side, he’s played guitar in a couple rock bands: Rock City Angels, Pink Grenade, & Hollywood Vampires. Johnny Depp doesn’t dance either, however John Waters somehow talked him into briefly cutting a rug with his fellow juvenile delinquents. Depp has openly admitted that he has two left feet. Even his Mad Hatter’s Futterwacken dance in Alice in Wonderland was CGI! I’m sure the bone bending moves and 360° head spinning had a little to do with it, haha!

This provocative parody packs a punch! And the punch is spiked, so watch at your own risk! You can expect the following and more: Unwanted panties thrown onstage. Licking a lover’s lonely teardrop. Graffitied cars with sugar poured down their gas tanks. French Kissing Lesson 101. A blown up jukebox. Unforgiving noogies. An inflamed, runaway motorcycle. Obnoxious, too-much-tongue-makeout session. A flat tire on an iron lung and then being jacked up to put on a spare. Dropping a trio of F-Bombs, two of which are comedically bleeped so they could keep their PG-13 rating. A glass jar filled with overdramatic, low-spirited tears, and drinking them. An inmate’s ass unexpectedly smacked by a guard as he hops up on a top bunk bed. A boosted helicopter. A three story dumpster dive. Repeatedly pressing personalized license plates of the same name: “Allison.” A needle prick prison tattoo of a lonely teardrop. A pair of tighty whities scooting through a manhole. Giggling vermin. Faux Siamese twins on display in a painted freak show circus glass cage. And a ziplining bunny.

Cry-Baby had a budget of $12M, it grossed $8.3M domestically by the end of its theatrical run, making it a box office flop; even though it was shown in 1,000+ cinemas — an unprecedented number for a John Waters film. Rotten Tomatoes gave Cry-Baby a rather high rating of 73% and its Audience Rating is 77%, which I think is quite generous considering these “professional movie reviewers” seem to despise the majority of my childhood favorites. This one may be the exception. I believe the reason why Cry-Baby resonates with me is because.. sure it’s a silly parody; however, it cleverly pokes fun at the ridiculousness of cliques, colorful language, and anybody who’s.. different. I can relate to not fitting in with the crowd and ruffling feathers along the way just like the Drapes do. I can proudly say I am the only person in my family with a mohawk who went to public school. On a personal note, everytime Cry-Baby says Allison’s name, I swoon and imagine Johnny Depp is speaking to me. He can press my license plate anytime! Check out this crazy camp cinematic tearjerker. I’ll be damned if there won’t be a dry eye in the house.

‘Twas such an honor that Jaimie asked me to collaborate with him, again, on his creative project, Rob’s Video ‘zine! As I mentioned in my Vintage Trolling, Intergalactic Pals, and Imaginary Frenemy blog posts, we were originally inspired to create vintage good/bad movie posters whilst watching the documentary: 24×36: A Movie About Movie Posters (highly recommend). Jaimie decided to take the lead on the overall design of the movie poster because I was drawing a blank on any suggestions or critiques. I was struggling with how to situate the two main characters that made sense for the storyline and to think of an original idea. Of course, it hit me like a bolt of lightning! Right before Jaimie was going to print, I had a last minute suggestion for a entirely new composition! Jaimie was a good sport, he begrudgingly went back to the drawing board, and created the final concept I pitched to him. Luckily, he’s a quick illustrator. I formatted the movie title, advertising slogan, and billing block. We may not color this movie poster, because we think it stands on its own in black and white. We have officially displayed our four movie posters in our living room. We finally made some wall space! Feels good to have a collaborative display piece that you can brag about when guests visit!

Through Thick and Thin

Well, a lot has happened in the past year. I’ll try my best to give you the SparkNotes version. Last May, I proposed to my partner on our 4yr anniversary. If you click the previous sentence that is underlined (hyperlink), it will direct you a website showcasing how I proposed.. and his answer.

Nine days later, I had an unfortunate misstep and injured my ankle. Whilst x-raying my ankle, I injured my other ankle, thus I was physically inept. I needed surgery on one ankle, however my temp job did not want to give me time off to do so, therefore they let me go.

I found myself.. having a lot of time on my hands so I could heal, recover, and reevaluate the direction of my life. Literally, one step at a time. I took the advice of my therapist(s): redirect my negative thoughts into productive, positive thoughts/actions and.. start wedding planning. Every girls dream! Well, almost every girl, haha.. I’m a simple gal who has been a bridesmaid in a few weddings and I know I’m anything but traditional.. including the groom-to-be.

In preparation of proposing, I had an inkling that Jaimie would ask me if I had a date in mind. I thought a year engagement would be sufficient, so I looked a calendar year ahead, and discovered the day before our 5yr anniversary was.. Friday the 13th! It just so happened to be.. Jaimie’s favorite horror film, his favorite number, he has the number 13 tattooed on his forearm, and his previous cat’s name was named Thirteen. Plus, it was close enough to our anniversary date to where we didn’t have to remember two different dates. Just a day apart. Not bad. Without even realizing it, we had our wedding “theme.” Most people predicted I would have a Disney themed wedding, however I didn’t have any real expectations or preconceived plan or elaborate dream wedding in mind. I knew I wanted our day to be a collaborative event. Representative of both Jaimie and I. Jaimie not only said yes, but he was on board for the Friday the 13th date and theme. I mean, I knew he would be. How could he not be intrigued? I also knew he’s not a fan of weddings, in general, so it was effortlessly easy to entice him with a fun concept!

I knew Jaimie was the one on our first date. Not exactly “love at first sight,” but I had a gut feeling that our chemistry had potential to be off the charts. I later discovered this feeling is called:

This overwhelming feeling drove me to do some pretty presumptuous things.. such as.. buying a wedding ring for Jaimie.. after dating for only a year. I was helping a recently engaged friend of mine pick out a wedding ring for her future husband at a jewelry store near where we just had brunch. This jewelry store was having a sale. A store closing sale. Up to ninety percent off. My friend chose a ring. The ring she didn’t choose, but I had liked, I asked the sales clerk how much it was. She said it was originally five hundred something, but it’s sale price was less than fifty. I couldn’t believe it. Seemed too good to be true. I consulted with my friend and before she could answer, an older gentleman overheard us and interjected: “If you were proposing to me, I’d say Yes. Go for it!”

I let my folks know of my recent purchase and my half baked future plan to propose with no further details. They insisted that I ask for Jaimie’s parents’ blessing. I shrugged off their suggestion as it was an outdated, old fashioned tradition. And yet.. I couldn’t shake the thought that his folks are old fashioned, so it made sense to ask them. They laughed.. and.. laughed. Ultimately, I did not get their blessing. And I didn’t blame them. We had only been together a year, so I understood their hesitancy.

This minor setback did not deter me from purchasing my wedding dress a couple months later. I was on my way to the produce section at Meijer, I had to pass the women’s clothing dept, all their new Easter/spring dresses were out.. there I saw.. the perfect little white dress.. I grabbed it, bought it, put it in the back of my closet, and forgot about it.. Couple weeks later, I was putting laundry away.. in the back of my closet.. and I saw that perfect little white dress.. which reminded me, I needed to try it on. I hung it up on the back of the bathroom door, unbuttoned it, and noticed.. Well, let me preface by saying Jaimie doesn’t usually sign his artwork. He signs: “As you wish.” A quote from the movie The Princess Bride, which means “I love you.” So, I noticed the dress tag said: “As U Wish.” The company name is what Jaimie signs on his artwork! Like I said, “perfect little white dress.” I just didn’t know how “perfect.”

I knew I wanted to propose in a creative way.. since Jaimie and I are both artists in our own ways. I had numerous ideas: custom photo puzzle of us with a comic bubble coming from my mouth, “Will you marry me?” Or a photo slideshow of us throughout our relationship, maybe even recruit our family members and friends to contribute with their approval of our relationship by spelling out “will you marry me” in each photo. I also knew I wanted to propose on our anniversary. Originally, it was going to be on our 3yr anniversary during our vacation in New York City, however COVID threw a wrench in that plan. We cancelled our trip. Also, I had lost my job of 5.5yrs. I was in between multiple temp, freelance jobs and I did not have the confidence to follow through with my proposal plan(s).

Luckily, with the encouragement of a dear friend, he told me: “Just go for it because love doesn’t wait for the right time.” I decided a week before our 4yr anniversary to make plans to propose. Once everything was ready, I asked Jaimie’s folks again for their blessing and this time.. they did not laugh. His mom happily cried and they gave their blessing. Whew, I couldn’t believe I had sat on that ring for 3yrs! I asked Jaimie the biggest question I had ever asked.. Anyone. Ever. Click here to find out how.

I designed our wedding invitations, I created a Facebook event, for those who weren’t on social media, I texted them or emailed them.

Our friend was kind enough to offer his services as our officiant. He was dressed as a Camp Crystal Lake Counselor: polo shirt, short shorts, tube socks, whistle necklace, ball cap, sunglasses, and clipboard. We collaborated on the wedding ceremony officiant script. If you click the previous sentence that is underlined (hyperlink), it will direct you to it.

We sprinkled the spooky throughout: our attire, accessories, shoes, props, décor, food, even my hair! See if you can spot ’em all!

Our hockey masked flower girl was Jaimie’s 12yr niece who did a fantastic job of creepily stalking about the park. Speaking of the park, I had researched multiple local parks that would compliment our Friday the 13th theme. A lot of them were connected with the city or county and they wanted thousands of dollars for five minutes, which was crazy! I finally found a park, Lindner Park Nature Preserve, that did not have a website, only a phone number that they never answered; nor was there a way to leave a message, thus I deemed it.. the park. We decided since we couldn’t ask permission for having our wedding ceremony there, we’d have to go Guerrilla Style.

Click here to see more of our wedding photos & videos synced with music.
*killer photography by: Bird & Rose
Click here to see our photo slideshow that played during our reception.
Click here to see our honeymoon in Salem.

Left Right Ignite Write

I have internally debated over the years about sharing this story on social media, however I have only shared it with a few select individuals from time to time when the occasion called for it. I consider myself a private person for many reasons, number one being for my safety and well being. As I type this, I keep editing it and then promptly deleting it and thinking: “Who cares? I mean, really? But then.. Maybe.. I’ll do it for me because I can’t stop thinking of its importance.. all these years later? Yeah, that’s enough, right? Well, here it goes..

It was the year 2000, I was in the seventh grade, first period music class was being held in the cafeteria, we had a substitute, thus it naturally became a free study period to do as we pleased. I chose to catch up on homework, being the studious kid I was. I found myself caught in the middle of a paper wad fight between two boys. I quickly became annoyed so I collected the stray wads on and around my work-space as they came and sat on them. The bell rang, one of the boys demanded I give him back the paper wads, I stubbornly refused, he persisted, but I stayed put. The bell rang again, he finally acknowledged my unwavering tenacity, and he retreated in a panic per his tardiness which garnered an automatic demerit.

My never-ending curiosity was ignited, so my girl friend helped me open each paper wad to discover the reason for his persistence. One by one, we unraveled doodles, rough drafts of assignments, blanks, and then finally.. There was an organized hit list in his handwriting, first victim was the music teacher who was absent that day, who coincidentally was a neighbor of mine. The list continued: fellow classmates who held popular statuses, infamous teachers, an unpopular Office Administrator, and the rest were unbeknownst to us. How I knew it was his handwriting was because I knew this kid, we grew up down the block from one another, we were in the same classes together, our sisters were in the same Brownies/Girl Scouts troop, I had been to his house numerous times, I knew his father was a Police Officer and an avid gun collector (recalling his locked wooden/glass case in the living room).

My girl friend and I quickly discussed what we should do: she asked, “Is that a..?” I nodded. She proceeded, “Do you think he’s capable of doing something like this?!” I nodded. [crickets] I had flashbacks, seeing black and white surveillance footage of kids fleeing their school cafeteria the year before on every TV channel and thought: “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let this go.” I handed her the hit list wad and said: “Give this to that substitute, tell him everything, if he doesn’t seem interested, then take it to your dad!” Her father was our Math teacher and the head football coach who tolerated no nonsense. I continued in the same breath whilst gathering my books, “I better hurry so he doesn’t suspect (“he” as in the boy), we have second period together too!

He was expelled from Butler County schools for two years, I heard from my mom that he was home-schooled by his mother, and attended counseling until.. he was deemed safe to return to the public school system. We saw each other again in our ninth grade Civics class, he sat right behind me, I silently feared for my life everyday for a year, never speaking of it again until well after my academic career.

Fast forward years later, I decided to move out on my own, I went to a local furniture store to compare prices, I saw him from across the sales floor, he was their delivery employee, sporting a lower lumbar back brace support belt with suspenders, I abruptly averted my gaze, formulated a quick exit strategy, so I “browsed” in record time and left before he noticed me.

I find myself thinking of this often, now more than ever, and I think it’s important to.. Go with your gut, listen to your conscience, and act. I think I was meant to be there. I was at the right place, at the right time, and under the right circumstances to.. Help this boy, my school, and myself. I felt a duty to do so because I was fortunate enough to realize this was a serious matter. At the age of 12. Yes, 12. I am proud of myself for acting. I could have just.. disregarded it, went on with my day, maybe gossiped about it to a couple classmates, or occasionally pondered.. But by then, it may have been too late. This was an invaluable lesson that taught me.. That the real world is a scary place, but one person can make a difference. I chose and choose to be that one person. I implore you to be that one person. I’m counting on you. You can count on me.

*To those few who are my junior high classmates (their parents too), you may or may not of heard of this almost happening at our/your child's school, but it's true. I thought of you and am thankful you're still here today. I am thankful I am still here. I hope you are too.

**Originally posted via social media on February 15th, 2018
***Re-shared via social media on May 25th, 2022

****Utilized writing prompt to share via blog:
"Have you ever spoken up when you saw something going on that was wrong? 
Were you scared? 
What ended up happening?"

Imaginary Frenemy

My fiancé and I creatively collaborated for a third time! I introduced him to another one of my childhood favorites; the movie called Drop Dead Fred. At surface level, it’s a complete ridiculous bonkers film.. yet it’s deeply and colorfully good! We utilized this flick for his new-ish magazine called: Rob’s Video (you can purchase it here).

A doting mother reads her sweet daughter, Elizabeth, a wholesome bedtime story. The youngster asks: “Did they live happily ever after?” The mother replies: “Of course, if the beautiful, young girl had been naughty; the Prince Charming would’ve run away.” The little girl’s natural response was: “What a pile of shit!” Kids say the darndest things! And.. cue the early 90’s animated opening credits sequence! That’s how ya know it’s the start of an awesome flick!

The little girl, Elizabeth aka Lizzy, grows up to be dumped by her cheating husband, her car is stolen, along with her purse.. all on her lunch break! She returns late to work and.. she loses her job too! She’s forced to leave her apartment she shares with her douche husband because her overbearing Mother demands she come home with her. Elizabeth sleeps in her childhood bedroom where she finds her forgotten, closeted childhood toys, and one of them starts to play a musical tune in the middle of the night. As she opens the taped up Jack-in-the-Box, an orange and green puff ball poofs out, bounces about the room, and rolls under the pastel pink twin bed. Lizzy investigates this mysterious dust bunny and is startlingly reunited with her long-lost playful imaginary friend named.. Drop Dead Fred! He wreaks havoc.. and chaos ensues! You gotta check this flick out to see how!

Drop Dead Fred is not a movie for children, yet the trailer paints it to be quite innocent. How misleading, I know! This could be the reason why my folks let me watch this movie as a kid. It has a PG-13 rating, where the Mother is referred to as “The Mega Bitch” a couple times, however is later referred to as “The Mega Beast” so they could keep their PG-13 rating.

The brilliant portrayal of Drop Dead Fred was played by the late Rik Mayall, an English stand-up comedian, actor, writer, author, narrator, voice actor, and stage performer; the majority of his credits are from British productions. This is his only American role that I remember seeing him in growing up. Rik Mayall’s quick wit, comedic timing, and slapstick is the best I’ve seen next to the late Robin Williams, which makes sense as Williams was initially offered the role of Drop Dead Fred, however he chose to play Peter Banning in Hook instead.

The mousy Lizzy aka Elizabeth aka Snot-Face is played by the 80’s hottie Phoebe Cates best known from Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Gremlins. Lizzy’s best friend, Janie, is played by none other than.. Princess Leia! Ahem, I mean.. the late Carrie Fisher; she originally auditioned for Lizzy, but she was considered “too old.” Ugh, how rude!

In my previous movie reviews, of 1986’s Troll and 1988’s Mac & Me, they each had random musical/dance numbers that had no relevance to the storyline whatsoever; however this early 90’s flick, Drop Dead Fred, doesn’t have any of that. It’s unusual and immature all on its own! The humor is as lowbrow as it gets with picking of noses then wiping snot on faces, purposely walking in dog shit then stepping on freshly shampooed white carpet, looking up women’s dresses, brief male bare bottom nudity, and serving steamy mud pies for breakfast and dinner.

There are numerous special effects (for its modest budget of $6.7M = £3.6M) such as Drop Dead Fred pinballing around rooms along with cartoon sound effects (Boink! Aoogah! Splat! Zoom!), appearing/disappearing with a magical twinkle, a head being smashed by a fridge door, being run over by an oncoming fire truck and leaving only a pair of bright red shoes behind in the middle of the street, a deflated car whizzing about like a balloon, a magical tree growing out of a staircase, a body engulfed in flames, a set of eyeballs bulging out, and steam blasting out of some ears. Drop Dead Fred grossed $13.8M over its entire theatrical run and £1.7M in the UK.

I believe the reason why Drop Dead Fred resonates with me (still, after all these years) is because on the surface, it seems like a silly comedy; but it’s deeper than you can imagine! This movie is about embracing your inner child, using your imagination, and standing up for yourself even if no one believes in you. Speaking of “not believing,” Rotten Tomatoes gave Drop Dead Fred a rating of eleven percent (super lame), however it has an Audience Rating of seventy-seven percent, which I think speaks volumes to the mass of dedicated Drop Dead Fred fans who are more open-minded to this amazing dark fantasy screwball dramedy cult classic! You should give this one a try. It’s a goodie with a hilarious, fun loving baddie! I pinky promise you won’t be disappointed!

‘Twas such an honor that Jaimie asked me to collaborate with him, again, on his creative project, Rob’s Video ‘zine! As I mentioned in my Vintage Trolling and Intergalactic Pals blog posts, we were originally inspired to create vintage good/bad movie posters whilst watching the documentary: 24×36: A Movie About Movie Posters (highly recommend). Immediately after viewing the movie, Drop Dead Fred, we brainstormed the overall design of the movie poster: Fred popping out of the jack-in-the-box toy/prison, picking his nose, and wiping it on Elizabeth. Our final concept paints a clear yet disgusting picture of what kind of film this is: immaturely fun yet brilliant! Jaimie drew our ideas to life and I formatted the movie title, advertising slogan, and billing block. We will, for sure, color this movie poster, because it’s the most interestingly fun illustration we’ve conceptualized thus far. We will absolutely display it somewhere in our home. We just gotta find the wall space.. Ugh, haha!

I’m looking forward to collaborating with Jaimie again soon for his next issue of Rob’s Video! Please stay tuned. You don’t wanna miss it!

Kaiju Crew

From a distant planet named Kerfuffle

Where it always snows, but never sticks

Many asteroids, many moons, and many stars ago

A strange creature arose from a steaming pile of…

LAVA!

That’s how Nosilla got her fiery red locks

Perfectly quaffed in a stripe on her head

She smashed her way around the village

Making waves amongst everyone she encountered

Nosilla seems like a villain

But she’s not

She always cleans up her messes

She makes peace with all the villagers who got a bad first impression of her

What Nosilla lacks in gracefulness

She makes up for in her super power of creativity

To solve the unique challenges Planet Kerfuffle has to offer!

Dish-ish

If you brought a dish that represented "you" to a dinner party, what dish would you bring and why?

Deviled Eggs

Pooped out by a fowl creature

Made

Not born

Boiled from the inside out

Guts and all

Cracked out of my delicate shell

Strategically dissected, disemboweled, and separated from myself

Whipped with a creamy sauce

Stained with a yellow squirt

Seasoned with a dash of black pepper and a circle of salt

Sprinkled with paprika

A little spice and everything nice

A spiritual invocation sung upon my final phase

Hail Satan for I am Deviled Eggs!

CAUTION: INGEST AT YOUR OWN RISK

Intergalactic Pals

My now fiancé, Jaimie, and I creatively collaborated for a second time! I introduced him to another one of my childhood favorites; the movie called Mac and Me. It’s such a bad movie.. it’s good! We utilized this flick for his new-ish magazine called: Rob’s Video (you can purchase it here).

Across the universe, a family of four search to quench their thirst on their barren home planet by poking hollow tubes into the ground. Their meal is interrupted by a NASA robotic rover that landed nearby to collect rock and soil samples. This curious family communicates with one another by whistling as they carefully approach this foreign vehicle. The youngest child accidentally gets sucked up in its suction hose along with rocks and soil. The parents and sibling try to rescue him but get sucked up themselves! The family travels to an unknown land, they emerge from the dissected rover, unsure of its residents, escape their dangerous grasp, and get separated from one another. The youngster tumbles into traffic causing a three car pile up (as well as a major traffic jam), he becomes squashed on the windshield, and is described as: “omelets.. with eyes!” He becomes a stowaway in a nearby van, which is occupied by a family of three, the Cruises, who are moving across the country from Chicago to LA. The first sign of the stowaway’s presence is when he steals a can of Coca-Cola (with a straw) from the youngest boy, Eric, who blames his older brother, Michael.

Numerous signs follow indicating that there is an unknown life form lurking about their new house: unplugged TVs turn on, remote control cars drive without batteries, wet footprints leading away from an empty/steamy shower, power tools modifying walls/doors, a hundred-year-old heirloom painting ruined, trees/flowers replanted throughout their living room, etc. Eric’s mom and brother do not believe him when he says: “It wasn’t me, it was the little creature! I saw it!” Upset-yet-determined Eric follows the little creature into the backyard (he names him: Mac, short for: Mysterious Alien Creature), down a treacherous hill, and into a deep pond below (oh, by the way, Eric is wheelchair-bound, so this incident is life-threatening as he cannot swim, so Mac dives in, takes him ashore, and saves his life). The girl next door, Debbie, sees Mac rescue Eric, but she’s afraid to tell the grownups because nobody would believe it! Eric and Debbie team up to catch Mac and prove his case, but they didn’t plan for the government to show up, who are trying to take Mac, and do who-knows-what to him! Will this physically disabled boy and his pals evade the bad guys and help Mac reunite with his long-lost family?! You’ll just have to watch Mac & Me to find out!

Mac & Me is a complete rip-off of.. you guessed it.. E.T.! This movie came out six years after E.T. Ironically, this film was made by Orion Pictures, which filed for bankruptcy in the early ’90’s.. maybe because Universal Studios sued them?! Whoa, I’m seeing stars.. Far out, dude!

Mac & Me is so bad.. it’s good! The epitome of an 80’s bad rip-off action adventure, sci-fi cult classic! Fun for the entire family! Speaking of family, they stole E.T.’s older brother’s name, Michael. I mean.. C’mon, they definitely cheated off someone else’s paper! The rip-offs continue, they even pulled a “Marty McFly” move when Eric grabs a hold of a truck and strolls down the street; the music playing during this scene sounds eerily similar to the Back to the Future theme song. Bet they wish they had a time machine so they could reconfigure the space time continuum and get back some of their dignity!

IMDb’s description of Mac & Me: “An alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy.” I mean, goodness gracious, can ya get anymore unnecessarily specific?! This was the first time I saw a physically disabled character who was played by a real life wheelchair-bound actor. Still, to this day, I don’t think I’ve seen anything like this on screen since! Representation matters, however knowing where to highlight and being tactful about it is important.

This movie’s small cast has a few unknown gems: The mom is played by Christine Ebersole, a soap opera star from One Life to Live and Broadway stage performer. The older brother, Michael, is played by Jonathan Ward who voices Zak from the animated film Ferngully: The Last Rainforest. The actress who plays Debbie’s sister, Courtney, is played by Tina Caspary, who has been in 1982’s Annie, Can’t Buy Me Love, and Teen Witch. The lead who played Eric, Jade Calegory, had a short acting career with only three credits to his name; Mac & Me was his film debut.

As I’ve said before, what’s a bad movie without a couple random dance numbers that have no relevance to the storyline whatsoever? Oh, and we can’t forget the blatant product placements: Coca-Cola, Skittles, and McDonald’s! Debbie and Eric attend a birthday party, which so happens to be at.. McDonald’s! Where Debbie’s sister, Courtney, works. Even Ronald McDonald himself shows up to entertain the kiddos; he infamously won a Razzie award for Worst New Star for this film. I remember going to many birthday parties at Mickey D’s! Hey, I’ll bet it’s no coincidence that Mac is named after their famous Big Mac burger. Mac joins in on the fun and dances, in disguise, as a robotic teddy bear along with the McDonald’s staff, party goers, and customers. The uniformed footballers dancing by the front door is randomly hilarious.. because they’re grown men trying to pass as teenagers!

My favorite scene is when their silver VW van cruises through the desert with wild horses running alongside them while the song “Waves” by Debbie Lytton plays. Waves in a desert, how ironic! Such a beautiful scene, with this catchy tune, gets me pumped every time! I’m a sucker for a sexy sax solo!

Actor Paul Rudd has a running gag with late night talk show host Conan O’Brien where he plays Mac and Me’s trailer, again and again, instead of showing a clip from his upcoming film. Rotten Tomatoes gave this flick a five percent rating yet the Audience Score is at thirty-eight percent. This just goes to show that maybe lovers of this bad movie, like Paul Rudd and I, are a little more gracious than the harsh film critics.

SPOILER ALERT: Mac & Me ends with a pink chewing gum bubble that says: “We’ll be back!” and then bursts. It didn’t do well in the box office, only making back half of their budget, and a portion of its box office intake was donated to the Ronald McDonald House Charities. Maybe the clown is to blame for this major flop?! For obvious reasons, the proposed sequel was never made. Go figure! I wonder if they thought about how iconic that final scene is.. because ya know how the saying goes: “I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but..” Haha!

‘Twas such an honor that Jaimie asked me to collaborate with him, again, on his creative project, Rob’s Video ‘zine! As I mentioned in my Vintage Trolling blog post, we were originally inspired to create vintage good/bad movie posters whilst watching the documentary: 24×36: A Movie About Movie Posters (highly recommend). I just let Jaimie go with creating the illustration of this Mac & Me movie poster. I didn’t have much input because the storyline (ahem, E.T.’s storyline, ahem) was pretty straight forward. He did make sure to include the obviously obnoxious product placement with Coca-Cola and McDonald’s. This design does differ from the VHS &/or DVD covers and other posters because it doesn’t include any Earthlings or suburban California skyline. I do like that Jaimie changed it up and included Mac’s silhouetted family in the background. I formatted the movie title, advertising slogan, and billing block. I don’t think we’ll color this movie poster, no real reason as to why, however Jaimie did color the Troll movie poster so we can display it somewhere in our home. We just gotta find the wall space.. Ugh, haha!

Internal Climate

Eerily quiet, chilly breeze, soft drizzle, and heavy clouds

My mind has surprisingly quietened

Just like the empty streets in my neighborhood

Oh, how good it feels to be home!

I feel a gentle nuzzle at my side

It’s just Hex

She hasn’t left me alone since I walked..

Yes!

Walked in the door two weeks ago

She even follows me into the shower now

She sits on the tub ledge in between the two shower curtains

As a woman who runs naturally hot, this change in temperature has been nice

I’ve had the windows open and been enjoying the cool fresh air

I know Houdini does too because he’s sitting in the window sill

The rhythmic beat of rain drops calms my soul

Reminds me of the consistent chirping crickets I play on my sound machine at night to fall asleep to

It’s soothing

Comforting

Familiar

The lack of sunlight is reassuring that I have control of the brightness, if I so choose

To lamp or not to lamp?

That is the question

The wet forecast swells

Weighing heavy on my heart

They increase together

In sync with Mother Nature

I take this as I am in tune with my surroundings

Grounding

The natural music to my ears and mindfulness

I softly whisper to myself:

“This won’t last forever.

Things will get better.

Get yourself together.

Light as a feather.

Simply enjoy this weather.”

My cranium is in a desolate, vast disarray:

Torn out pieces of crumpled paper littered about for as far as I can see

Puddles of spilt milk

Dry, cracked foundation

Overgrown, luscious poison ivy

Echoes of constant barking dogs

Fluttering birds dropping their poop everywhere

Herds of brittle tumbleweeds rolling through the chaos

I start by picking up, flattening out, piling, and filing the pieces of paper

Organizing them largest to smallest

Setting out the wet, transparent ones to dry

I turn up the heat and brightness to help the drying process along

This settles down the birds as they perch upon the file cabinets

This distracts the loud, obnoxious dogs to not focus on the now still birds

The dogs begin to fetch and bring me the strewn parchment

The birds start using their beaks to neatly place the papers in the drawers

I can use all the help I can get

Other pups catch and dismantle the stray tumbleweeds

Other fowls pull the botanical vines and fill in the cracked ground

I discover that who/what were annoyances are now helping me rearrange my messy thoughts

I realize that I’m feeling grateful for silence

I remember that even shit is useful

It fertilizes crappy situations into something beautiful

I notice how even spilt milk nourishes the thirsty mind and body

I carefully glove both hands to push the poison ivy down, further into the cracked crevices

I close my eyes and concentrate as I make the surface tremble together

The pieces align into a smooth leveled path

Illuminating my way to the combined “Enter / Exit” sign

I no longer feel confined in my own streamlined, refined design

The sun begins to brightly shine upon my face

I divinely breathe, “I’m fine.”

Open thine eyes

I sense my feline intertwined nearby

I now decline this benign deadline

I desperately pine for myself

I define this life of mine

Shivers down my spine

I refuse to resign

Rhythm and Rhyme

What songs are on your self-care playlist? 
Choose your favorite lyrics and tell us your story using those lyrics.

“Where words fail, music speaks.” -Hans Christian Andersen

I’ve been struggling with being able to write my blog recently, so this seemed fitting to share. This first song is also featured on my About Blogger section as my self-proclaimed anthem.

♫ ‘Cause I’m a warrior, I fight for my life
Like a soldier all through the night
And I won’t give up, I will survive, I’m a warrior
And I’m stronger, that’s why I’m alive
I will conquer, time after time
I’ll never falter, I will survive, I’m a warrior ♪

I worry about the future because of my anxiety. I’ve redefined myself as not a worrier anymore, but a warrior.

♫ Hush, just stop
There’s nothing you can do or say
I’ve had enough
I’m not your property as from today
You might think that I won’t make it on my own
But now I’m
Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My loneliness ain’t killing me no more
I, I’m stronger
Then I ever thought that I could be
I used to go with the flow
Didn’t really care ’bout me
You might think that I can’t take it, but you’re wrong
‘Cause now I’m
Stronger than yesterday ♪

Crying can be perceived as a sign of weakness, however crying demonstrates how strong one is. I’ve been struggling with my emotions. I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m mad. I cry when I am in pain. I cry when I am.. overwhelmed.

♫ (Ou mata e matagi)
I have crossed the horizon to find you
(Ou loto mamaina toa)
I know your name
(Manatu atu)
They have stolen the heart from inside you
(Taku pelepele)
But this does not define you
(Manatunatu)
This is not who you are
You know who you are ♪
[whispers] Who you truly are

The mix of languages being sung sends chills across my skin. This slow motion scene of the hero/protagonist, Moana, confidently walking toward the villain/antagonist, Te Kā, shows courage because Moana knows deep down that Te Kā will not harm her.

“Hurt people hurt people.”

“Her bark is worse than her bite.” Means that they seem much more unpleasant or hostile than they really are.

I struggle with the light and dark within myself. I am taken back by people who show me grace and understanding during my difficult moments.

♫ I’ve been staring at the edge of the water
‘Long as I can remember
Never really knowing why I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water
No matter how hard I try Every turn I take
Every trail I track
Every path I make
Every road leads back
To the place I know where I cannot go
Where I long to be
See the line where the sky meets the sea?
It calls me
And no one knows
How far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I’ll know
If I go, there’s just no telling how far I’ll go ♪

Why do humans like shiny things? (haha, I know how ironic)
Researchers in the evolutionary aesthetics tradition have suggested that people prefer shiny objects because glossiness connotes water.”

I am drawn to water. I feel at peace when I am near a body of water. I am most comfortable in water. Weightless. Free. My dream home is waterfront.

♫ This is for my girls all around the world
Who have come across a man that don’t respect your worth
Thinkin’ all women should be seen and not heard
So what do we do girls, shout out loud
Lettin ’em know were gonna stand our ground
So lift your hands high and wave ’em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will
Can’t hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Never can, never will ♪

The double standard of how a girl/lady/woman/female should feel, think, speak, behave, &/or dress is exhausting. We are worthy just as any other man.

♫ The whole world’s scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try, try, try
But we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics ’cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that?
Why do I do that?
Yeah, oh, oh pretty, pretty please
Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me, yeah
You’re perfect, you’re perfect ♪

“You may not always be perfect, but you will always be perfect for me.”

Accepting someone as they are, flaws and all, is true unconditional love. Cherish it. I appreciate those who are patient with me. “Thank you for putting up with me.”

♫ Never win first place, I don’t support the team
I can’t take direction, and my socks are never
Clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can’t do nothin’
Right
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can’t take the person starin’ back at me
I’m a hazard to myself
Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
It’s bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
I wanna be somebody else, yeah ♪

I am my own worst critic. I get stuck inside my head often. I cannot stand to look at my reflection. Being at war with myself is exhausting. I am the bully and the victim. Sometimes, I need to be rescued from.. myself.

♫ When I was a young boy I was scared of growing up
I didn’t understand it but I was terrified of love
Felt like I had to choose but it was outta my control
I needed to be saved, I was going crazy on my own
It took me years to tell my mother, I expected the worst
I gathered all the courage in the world
She said, “I love you no matter what
I just want you to be happy and always be who you are”
She wrapped her arms around me
Said, “Don’t try to be what you’re not
‘Cause I love you no matter what”
She loves me no matter what ♪

I didn’t have to come out to my parents. My mom said she already knew:

“Ever since you were young, I noticed you have so much love to give. I knew your love was for.. everyone. Not just the opposite sex.”

If that doesn’t explain accepting and loving me “no matter what,” I don’t know what does. As for my dad, when my mom asked him about my sexuality, he simply said, “Her sex life is none of my business.” Well, there ya have it. My folks accept me “no matter what.”

♫ We don’t have time left to regret, hold on
And well take more than common sense, hold on
So stop your wondering, take a stand, hold on
‘Cause there’s more to life than just to live, hold on
‘Cause an empty room can be so loud
There’s too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
One single smile, a helping hand, hold on
Its not that hard to be a friend, hold on
So don’t give up, stand ’til the end, hold on
‘Cause there’s more to life than just to live, hold on
‘Cause an empty room can be so loud
There’s too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on ♪

When I am in physical pain, I hold onto my own hand and squeeze it. I hold on. I hold on for dear life and endure until it passes.

♫ I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming
But, there’s a voice inside my head saying
You’ll never reach it
Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I, I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No, I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments, that
I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on ♪

Progress isn’t a straight line or level for that matter. It’s an upwards climb with many obstacles along the way. There may be times where I lose, but I have to keep trying and not let my struggles break my spirit. Rise above the bullshit and face it head on.

♫ Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything, when will I learn?
I push it down, push it down
I’m the one “for a good time call”
Phone’s blowin’ up, ringin’ my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love

One, two, three, one, two, three, drink 3x
Throw ’em back ’til I lose count

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier
From the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night
Feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier
From the chandelier

But I’m holding on for dear life
Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life
Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight, on for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

One, two, three, one, two, three, drink 3x
Throw ’em back ’til I lose count

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier
From the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night
Feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier
From the chandelier

But I’m holding on for dear life
Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life
Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight, on for tonight

‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Oh, I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight, on for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Oh, I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight, on for tonight ♪

I included all of the lyrics for this song because the repetition is important for addiction. It’s a vicious cycle. Filling up on a substance to feel empty inside. Where your ultimate goal is to forget your own memories. Unfortunately, all you’re doing is creating more problems instead finding a healthy solution.

This and That

If money didn't exist and there were no limits, what would your dream occupation be? 
How would you spend your days?

I would spend my days sitting upon a fluffy cloud, behind a large wooden desk, and before a mile long line of frustrated people who have come to me for.. ideas! I’d be the “Idea Person.” A Creative Problem Solver or Creative Consultant, if you will. These people have hit a roadblock, brain fart, or dead end and need assistance with an idea or ideas about anything under the sun: what outfit to wear, what dish to fix for dinner, how to respond to that person who’s been ghosting them, what to gift whoever for whatever occasion, how to decorate their home, what to name their new pet, what topic to write about on their school paper, what to say in their upcoming speech, how to arrange their furniture, etc. My brain never turns off and I love to come up with innovative/creative ideas to help people solve their unique obstacles!


Imagine your life is now a best-selling book. Write a summary for the back or inside cover.

Three steps forward and two steps back. Allison couldn’t walk until she was two years old. Hell, she was terrified to crawl! The rumor amongst the locals is she descends from mermaid or shark ancestors because of her numerous rows of sharp teeth. Nonetheless, she’s a Mythical Goddess! She may be a fish out of water, but she goes with the flow.. to survive. This heroine has to decide whether to rescue the Dominus in Distress, the stray animal, or the lonely child while trying not to lose herself along the way. Go ahead, turn the page to find out what “Dominus” means because now you’re curious. Come on down the rabbit hole and enjoy the fall. You’ll fall in love with Allison’s Adventures. Her name literally spells: “all is on.”