A picture, photographed or graphically designed, by yours truly attached with a creative written response of a thousand-ish words. Could be a tall tale, inspired by a true experience, a random journal entry, or an analysis of the photograph or design itself! Dealer’s choice.
Throwback to a recently discovered History of Graphic Design paper and “Modernism” creative response I wrote and created in college.
I chose the surrealism art movement; it influenced my poster design because I had designed a previous piece for my final English project where we had to choose a written work and translate it into a creative response. I knew I wanted to revisit that type of design style and asked my History teacher which art movement would it best represent. She decided on surrealism. While I was researching, I remembered I had seen Little Ashes, the 2008 movie about a surrealist poet, Federico García Lorca and a surrealist artist, Salvador Dalí going to art school together. I used Dalí’s works as reference and added inspiration to my own interpretation of Lorca’s poem.
I used various brush strokes from the brush library in Adobe Illustrator to symbolize the spiraling, out of control, natural disaster at the pier leading to nowhere. I used basic shapes and textures so it could be interpreted the same or differently by viewers, however still maintain my initial concept. Creating a landscape was key; Lorca’s “Landscape of a Vomiting Multitude” poem described an amazing setting. I wrote down keywords that I could use: Octopus, pier/boardwalk, sand, moon, and clouds. I did research and found out some analytical meanings of the poem. The vomiting reference could mean consumerism. I’m afraid of heights and whenever I’m on a bridge, pier, or near water; I wonder about underwater consuming creatures like the kraken, loch nest monster, and giant squids. I know it’s silly to fear such things, but in a “super reality…” Anything is possible!
I think the color scheme works well; earth tones for the sand and pier, grayscale clouds, muted shades of blue in the water, and the brightest color is purple for the octopus. I would change the shades of brown on the pier to distinguish the perspective and layers so it doesn’t look like a big block of brown.
When the black snake flashed onto the morning road, and the truck could not swerve – death, that is how it happens.
Now he lies looped and useless as an old bicycle tire. I stop the car and carry him into the bushes.
He is as cool and gleaming as a braided whip, he is as beautiful and quiet as a dead brother. I leave him under the leaves
and drive on, thinking, about death: its suddenness, its terrible weight, its certain coming. Yet under
reason burns a brighter fire, which the bones have always preferred. It is the story of endless good fortune. It says to oblivion: not me!
It is the light at the center of every cell. It is what sent the snake coiling and flowing forward happily all spring through the green leaves before he came to the road.
Throwback to a recently discovered English II paper and creative response I wrote and created in college.
Mary Oliver’s poem “The Black Snake” is about the circle of life, how the food chain works in an ecosystem, and without death; there would not be life. I was inspired to create this piece of artwork through the natural descriptions Oliver used. The poem’s overall theme is how Mother Nature takes its course and how it affects all living things. There are various aspects of how life can come to an end, which hence this poem is categorized under The Natural and Unnatural section in the textbook. The black snake symbolizes life, death, and rebirth. The human character is an unnamed passerby who sets the reptile in a safe place, to rest in peace. This poem takes place on the side of a road near some bushes.
My creative response medium was done in the Adobe software called Illustrator. I experimented with different types of brush strokes because the poem describes nature having endless textures. Oliver compares the lifeless snake resembling a bicycle tire (lines #5-6) and ironically enough, the snake was run over by a truck tire. There are natural and unnatural imprints present; the truck’s tire track marks, the snake’s slithering path, and I added a frog’s footprints.
I chose to use brighter earth tones because the poem takes place on one spring morning (lines #2 and 23). The snakeskin pattern is apparent in the dark circle located, beneath the grass and leaves, at the bottom of the piece. The circle is layered with dark grey and red shades to convey the cool, gleaming, braided whip description (lines #9-10). The piece is bottom heavy and busy to signify the death’s suddenness and weight (lines #14-15).
Under all the chaos that is occurring, the floral sun represents rebirth (lines #16-17). The food chain comes into play: the sun (and rain) feeds the plants, small animals feed on the plants, big animals feed on smaller animals, animals die, their decaying bodies enrich the soil and feed the plants, and the cycle repeats itself (lines #17-21). When using the brush tool, I also applied the spiral free form shape to display the coiling, flowing action of a snake; the process of how life and death transpires, moving on, and the renewal of nature (line #22-23).
My creation comments on the poem by collecting images into a form of art with various materials and arranging them into a collage. It creates a swarm of free form shapes, circles, spirals, and natural elements of earth, air, fire, and water. Sometimes, death can be a muddy, bloody, but beautiful mess. My artwork does reiterate Oliver’s view on nature, life, death, and rebirth. I believe the poet’s intention for naming the title “The Black Snake” is because the color black suggests mourning of the dead. Black does not appear in nature, however only subtle, dark color shades. That is why I created the snakeskin pattern in grey and red. One could argue my creative response as an incorrect interpretation of Oliver’s poem. However, keep in mind, that art is declared art in the eyes of the artist. Everyone has a right to his or her own opinion, critique, and perspective.
I begin every creative response with writing down my initial thoughts, brainstorming if you will; I collect my thoughts, and organize them by drawing a web of ideas. I chose this type of medium, Adobe Illustrator, because it relates to my major, Graphic Design; we most commonly use this program to illustrate artwork that can be transformed into potential products. For example, poets publish books of poetry and sometimes they have illustrations that go alongside each written work. This was the best choice, for me, because I am most comfortable using this program to ensure a clean presentation for the class to observe.
My creation adds to the discussion of the poem because there is a lot to take in, which parallels with the opening stanza of the sudden death. At first glance, there are questions: How did that happen? Why? What’s next? Is there more to it? There are consistent circular and spiral shapes symbolizing the circle of life, visually in my creative response and literally in Oliver’s poem with the looped, bicycle, and endless references. The splattered, smeared brush strokes represent the journey spent and the one that lies ahead. I hope that people can relate to my creative response by appreciating every living creature and embracing that without death, there would not be life. My creation could be used as a teaching tool for the illiterate. Before the written word, there was a source of communication, and that was art.
My husband and I creatively collaborated for a sixth time! I introduced him to another one of my childhood favorites; the kid’s horror anthology TV series from the O.G. ’90’s SNICK (short for Saturday Night Nickelodeon) channel called Are You Afraid of the Dark? It’s a re-imagined take of Twilight Zone, slapped with a G rating, infested with young Canadian actors, and a thrilling, chilling rollercoaster ride! We utilized this show for his new-ish magazine called: Rob’s Video (you can purchase it here).
The street lights have just come on, so go ahead and tie your favorite flannel around your waist, put on your slap bracelet, grab your boombox, and get cozy by the campfire for a secret hangout with your BFFs. “Submitted for the approval of The Midnight Society, I call this story [sprinkles powdered non-dairy creamer onto the flames]: The Tale of the _____________.”
The following throwback Nickelodeon’s Are You Afraid of the Dark? episodes are my top five picks, in no particular order, are relatively safe to introduce to any of your youngsters who may want to tiptoe into the horror genre:
First up, The Tale of the Pinball Wizard: a teenage kid persuades a crotchety, pony tailed mall store owner to let him cover his lunch hour. The rebellious youth abandons his post, breaks one of the rules, goes behind the curtain, and plays the new, forbidden pinball machine. A persistent call bell brings him back to reality. DING-DING-DING! A customer! And not just any customer, a pretty teen girl! She asks if her gold throne music box is ready yet; he isn’t confident that it’s fixed, so she says she’ll come back later. The flashing, beeping game beckons to be played again, he indulges by inserting quarter after quarter, he loses track of time, and finds himself.. alone. The mall is dark and empty. Or so it seems.
Just as the teenager discovers he’s locked in, a faraway payphone rings, he scrambles to answer it, and a mysterious voice asks: “Got an umbrella?” With a flash, it begins to rain.. quarters! The nearby fountain is filled with silver. The greedy teen jumps in, ankles deep, and stuffs his pockets to feed his gaming addiction. All of a sudden, he notices a shady figure walk by.. are they friend or foe? Wouldn’t you like to know?!
Next, The Tale of the Midnight Madness: two teenagers work at a failing vintage movie theatre, where they reuse popcorn buckets, and soda cups. [Ewww..] One teen even starts a campaign to try and save the historical landmark. An hour before opening, a long gray haired, bearded, cloaked man who goes by Doctor Vink, a self-proclaimed former filmmaker, makes a proposition they cannot refuse as “it won’t cost them a dime.” If they show his unique, black and white, silent, vampire horror film, he promises that it will bring customers in by the droves! Once the theatre has assured success, his only request is that they show one of his other films one night a week. The manager half-heartedly agrees with a scoff. Sure enough, Doctor Vink’s prediction comes true, and the owners decide not to close due to its newfound success!
What happens when the disgruntled manager doesn’t honor the deal he made with Doctor Vink?! How does the silver screen villain invade the technicolor real world and terrorize the staff?! Who lives to tell the tale and sweep up the mess they didn’t make?!
Next, The Tale of Cutter’s Treasure: this two-part story is so major it’s told by the best of the Midnight Society members: Frank and Gary. A little behind the scenes fun fact: after four seasons, the AYAOTD creators quickly realized that two actors were too stupendous to appear in just one episode; therefore Sardo (played by Richard M. Dumont) and Doctor Vink (played by the late Aron Tager) became recurring characters in half a dozen episodes each.
Around the 17th century, a ruthless, greedy pirate’s ill-fated loot wreaks havoc into the next millennia to come; his relentless, evil spirit still guards his bountiful fortune. Magical mayhem meets two modern-day, feuding brothers who have a few tricks up their sleeves for this ancient villain. A teen is blackmailed into buying his pesky kid brother a magic set from a shop downtown so he can be left alone with his crush all weekend since their parents are out of town.
The kid brother keeps himself occupied by playing with a seemingly “busted” nautical spyglass that his older brother accidentally “won” by opening an “impossible” locked chest at the magic shop. The shop owner, Sardo, oddly pressures him to take home his “prize” because that was the chest owner’s explicit instructions: whoever opens the chest, must take all of its contents (not just the spyglass), so Sardo can collect his five thousand dollars.
The kid brother confesses to his older brother that the spyglass is possessed, spinning and rolling around on its own, and that a skeleton hand tried to pull him under the bed. The big brother doesn’t believe him and berates him for ruining his date. That night, big bro has a nightmare: he’s in a cemetery, he meets a wary ghost, and a skeleton hand touches his shoulder. This startles him awake. He looks through the spyglass once again and now he sees himself in the cemetery.. just like in his dream! Talk about déjà vu dude..
Big bro returns the spyglass to Sardo and runs away before the chest owner, Doctor Vink, expresses no concern about the boy’s departure. He instructs Sardo to send the boy to him when he returns and teases him with a large money roll as motivation to follow through.
The younger brother ventures into the night outside by their lake house, upon the dock, the nautical spyglass magically reappears; in the foggy distance, he sees a figure rowing a boat. Inside the lake house, big bro investigates a suspicious noise coming from the closet and finds an old piece of parchment stabbed into the door by a knife: “This is no dream. The boy is mine.” He runs outside to find his brother staring at a skeletal boat rower. Flesh grotesquely engulfs the rower’s body and threatens to take the boy. The brothers try to run away but they get cornered by the rower.. and his pirate pal. The spooky scallywags were true to their word, they took the little brother, and disappeared into the foggy night.
Just as Doctor Vink predicted, big bro went back to Sardo’s, which led him to the Doctor’s doorstep begging for help. A brief history lesson reveals that big bro is the descendant of the original chest owner who unsuccessfully tried to defeat the dreadful pirate. The contents of the chest were empowered by the victims’ souls: a spyglass, a dagger, and a rusted key; tools to help the “champion” fight this destined battle.
Doctor Vink leads big bro to the real cemetery that is shown inside the spyglass. Big bro is on his own, he’s armed with the tools, he uses the rusted key to unlock / enter the mausoleum, and falls down a trap door into a dark, overgrown tomb. By the skin of his teeth, he makes it through the booby-trapped maze into the pirate’s treasure room; where he finds his brother locked in a cage. The fired-up pirate ghost demands a grand battle! Ready or not, here he comes, sword-a-swinging!
How does the big brother escape: does he fight the pirate alone or does he gain unsuspecting allies?! Does he change his selfish ways and learn the importance of family?!
Next, The Tale of the Dead Man’s Float: it all started in 1954, a distracted, horny lifeguard neglects his duties, professionally, and brotherly. His tween brother was found at the bottom of the high school indoor swimming pool. Three deadly drownings later and the School Board closes the pool indefinitely. Forty-one years later, a chemistry geek strikes a deal with the popular swim team captain; tutoring sessions in exchange for swimming lessons. Sounds simple enough, except the nearest pool is an hour away. Or so they thought. They discover the long forgotten, hidden, closed pool, and successfully petition for it to be re-opened.
The ol’ timer custodian who saves the two teens from an overturned raft, confesses his lifeguard past, and offers a theory of the haunted pool: built over an old cemetery, an invisible, forgotten spirit seeks revenge on the living that disturbs its slumber. The chemistry geek devises a plan to unveil the putrid, impenetrable creature with none other than.. chemicals! Will the scholastic trio defeat the pool phantom or will their hare-brained scheme fail miserably like “Mystery Meat Mondays?!”
And last but certainly not least, The Tale of Station 109.1: two completely opposite brothers: the eldest is an aspiring mechanic doing odd jobs around town and this week’s project is a.. hearse! The youngest just so happens to be obsessed with.. death! He wears all black, sleeps in a suit and tie with his hands across his chest, surrounds his bedroom with candles and funeral floral wreaths that read: “Bon Voyage.” He even buries his shrimp dinner into an early mashed potato grave and tops it with a carrot cross.
As most siblings do, they like to pull pranks on one another; so the little bro takes the bait and ventures into the back of the hearse. And just as he’s laying comfortably, eyes closed, and solemnly reciting his own eulogy.. big bro locks him inside and jump starts the hearse to go haywire: windshield wipers going, horn honking, and radio tuning into.. “Station 109.1 radio for the dimensionally challenged.”
Little bro investigates this “new radio station” on his home computer, finds a last known address, and heads into town. He invites himself inside an unlocked rusty steel door and discovers a waiting room filled with people: some seated and others standing in line. Numbers eerily echo from an overhead speaker. The curious young fellow cuts to the front of the line, knocks on the window, and is startled to find a boisterous man pop out and scold him for knocking and skipping the line. He falls victim to the stereotypical case of “mistaken identity,” chaos ensues, and the final countdown begins! “Ever wonder where the term “your number’s up” came from?” He’s about to find out!
How does the little brother escape: does he go it alone or does his big bro come to the rescue?! Does he change his dark, macabre views on life and death?! Find out on a streaming service near you.. or if you’re feeling adventurous, take a road trip in a DeLorean to watch it LIVE on cable! Or if you’re feeling nostalgic, dust off that VCR, and pop in a SNICK VHS!
Be kind, rewind!
“The end. I declare this meeting of The Midnight Society closed [extinguishes the flames with a nearby pail of water].” Better book it home before your folks actually pay attention to the PSA: “It’s 10pm, do you know where your children are?” and find you outta bed!
Until next time, pleasant screams! HEY DUDE, it’s been totally unreal. Booyah! You’re ALL THAT and a bag of chips. As if! Ugh, talk to the hand. Sike! Peace out. Whatever.
‘Twas such an honor that Jaimie asked me to collaborate with him, again, on his creative project, Rob’s Video ‘zine! As I mentioned in my Vintage Trolling, Intergalactic Pals, Imaginary Frenemy, Sob Storyteller, and Booger Lips blog posts, we were originally inspired to create vintage good/bad movie posters whilst watching the documentary: 24×36: A Movie About Movie Posters (highly recommend). Jaimie decided to take the lead on the overall design of the movie poster, however I formatted the movie title, advertising slogan, and billing block. Per usual, we will not color this movie poster because we will eventually display it along with our other black and white movie posters in our living room as an interesting conversation piece for when people visit!
It’s been a minute since I’ve last posted. Half a year. Goodness. Well, life happens. Today, I decided to write in my Complete the Story journal. Each page has a couple sentences, leaving the last sentence unfinished for the writer to… you guessed it… to complete the story!
The darkness was thick and suffocating like a heavy blanket had been thrown on the world. He had to get over the wall, had to get across the border before the gringos caught sight of him, a desperate Mexicano trying to find a better life. The Polícia Federal are crooked and take advantage of their positional power. He’d been in and out of celda since he was an adolescente, like his Padre, abuelo, tío, and hermanos. Guess it runs in the familia. None of them graduated from escuela. They were too busy doing time and paying their fines to get out, which sometimes required criminal means. Can’t win playing fair. Gotta play their dirty game.
All he wanted to do was play fútbol. He had ran enough in his life, he has great cardio, and he’d rather play a game he chose… for once. The celebrity and dinero doesn’t appeal to him, but he guesses it comes with the territory. To have a stable home sounds like a pipe dream. He’s one step closer to a different life. He’s hoping it’s better than the one he’s been running from. It has to be. He’s heard nothing but good things about the Estados Unidos. “The American Dream.” Sounds excelente.
Maybe he could even meet a chica. Fall in amor. Mexicanos are romantics. They take amor seriously. They say Spanish is the language of amor. He could woo an Americana with his accent. Being bilingual is sexy, right? He’s got that going for him. He learned Inglés on the inside. All they could get on TV was PBS, Sesame Street, the kids show. One upside to being locked up.
He’s gonna take this leap of faith for himself and for those who came before him. He’s finally looking forward to the future.
My husband and I creatively collaborated for a fifth time! I re-introduced him to another one of my childhood favorites; the movie called Ernest Scared Stupid. It’s an in your face, larger than life picture that warms your heart with an innocent, loveable, unconventional, goofball hero! We utilized this flick for his new-ish magazine called: Rob’s Video (you can purchase it here).
We shall be revisiting the terrorizing troll trope with one of my faux frightening* festive favorites: Ernest Scared Stupid! I know what you’re thinking: “But Halloween’s over!” Well, technically, you’re right, but when I wrote this, it wasn’t Halloween yet so.. suck it up, buttercup! “Know what I mean, Vern?”
Bonus points to anyone who read the quote: “But Halloween’s over!” in Mike TeaVee’s whiny voice from the ’71 Willy Wonka movie. He actually says: “But Easter’s over!” Double bonus points to anyone who knows who Vern is in the Ernest movies! Do you know? No? Give up? Alright, well, I guess I’ll tell ya.. Vern is Ernest’s “best friend,” but is never shown on-screen.
Those that do grace the silver screen are: Ernest P. Worrell, our dimwitted yet honorable protagonist, who is portrayed by the late Jim Varney. Triple bonus points to anyone who’s noticed that Ernest P. Worrell’s outfit resembles Ernest T. Bass’ from The Andy Griffith Show! Ball cap, light colored long sleeve shirt, dark vest, and jeans. They say: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” Other cast members are: the legendary late Eartha Kitt, who’s best known as Catwoman and singer of “Santa Baby” (or for you young folk: Madame Zeroni from Holes) plays the crotchety Old Lady Hackmore. Get it? Hack More! Haha.. The Tulip Brothers, Tom & Bobby, played by the late John Cadenhead & Bill Byrge, recurring characters who resemble a classic comedic duo: Laurel & Hardy (or for you young folk: Jay & Silent Bob). The lead boy hero, played by Austin Nagler, this is his only movie credit because he was relentlessly teased for his kissing scene by his peers when this movie premiered that he retired from acting and never looked back! Well, technically, his female co-star kissed his cheek, but still.. kids are like totally harsh! Not cool, my dudes.. not cool.
This scary* spooky* silly slapstick flick is a scream! And the screams are stellar, so watch at your own risk! You can expect the following and more: Classic horror movie scenes slideshow intro (ranging from 1922 – 1960). Vague time caption: “Long ago.” Animated facial expressions. Elaborate, colorful monologues. Self-dipping mops. Baby doll face smashed in mechanical gears. Electrocution. Compressed garbage block. John Wayne impressions. Ablaze junkyard. A flame torch. Long, shrill screaming. A wrecked haunted house. An over-jacked rusty ol’ truck. Hysterical perspective aka multiple personalities: Roman military tribune with a mellifluous baritone voice. A frenzied tribal warrior. Dramatic neck-brace-wearing Great Aunt. Eccentric, rural cowboy with a Southern drawl. Stuck-up fashionista. Smudged-faced pilot. Overdressed lumberjack. Said over-jack slingshotting itself into the Mayor’s car window. Slappin’ trees. Bird poo facial. Rolling fog in the woods. Hammer licking. Steampunk goggles. Rock throwing. Heavily armed tree house. Cat food catapult. Pizza flinging. Literal pizza faces! Fishnet, rope, potato sack, and metal chain BDSM. Snotty noses. Wooden dolls. Ooey gooey hanging cursed “brussel sprouts” pods. Oversized “Troll and Other Tree Devils” book. Dramatic lighting with a confident: “[I am] the Great Redneck Hope!” with a supportive “Hallelujah!” singing in the background. Loud, frantic bullhorn warnings whilst running amuck throughout the neighborhood. Homemade One Stop Salvage Shop commercial recording. Corny sales pitch jokes followed by comedic rimshots. A pooch named.. Rimshot! $1,749.98 + plus tax worth of troll extermination supplies. A giant album with every Troll Love Song ever written. More rolling fog in the woods. Fingers smashed by a dumpster lid. Breaking the fourth wall. Pooch disguised as a “yummy little child” aka “troll bait.” Pitching tiny tents. Gigantic rusty steel claw trap. CB lingo: “Blue Leader, this is Troll Fighter. C’mon back now, how about ya? Roger that! What’s your 20? Over and out!” Ankle biting. More breaking the fourth wall. Writing lines on a chalkboard, nails on a chalkboard, and a teacher smacking a kid in the back of the head. All the rolling fog in the woods. Truck door smack to the face. More snotty noses. Truck roof stabbing. Truck door dismantling. Skull belt buckle. Truck driving pooch. Sword vs hedge shears fight. Nunchucks. Pulling against an accelerating 200 horsepower truck. Bumper sandwich. Roaring a windshield to pieces. Using a super size can opener to free someone from a pinched 55 gallon steel drum. Another pizza face. Crashing a Halloween Gala’s Costume Contest. Mistaken public intoxication. More ankle biting. Chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream facial. Cultural appropriation costumes. An angry parent mob. Eye gouging. Shooting baskets with a bowling ball. Unnecessary acceptance speech. Breaking all the fourth walls. Writing lines on a chalkboard again, nails on a chalkboard again, and a teacher smacking a kid in the back of the head again. All the snotty noses. Game of Duck, Duck, Troll. A Sheriff handcuffed to his own cruiser. Troll swallows bullets and becomes a spit shooter. Milk squirt guns. Operation Dairy Drop. Melted, bubbling entrails. 2% milk facial. Turn-that-frown-upside-down clown is nailed to a tree by his shoes. Mustached safari guide. Hairspray facial. Camera film consumption. Blue flying specter demons. Wiggly worm-like antenna. Miracle-Gro black and yellow claws. Devil facial spikes, horns, and tusks. Quaking flame pit. Slow-troll-dancing. Sloppy snotty snogging. Serious seizure head explosion. High-pitched flatulence.
I put the asterisks * after the words: “frightening,” “scary,” and “spooky” because the director, John Cherry, later admitted that he made the troll, Trantor, too scary and that it frightened kids, thus hurting the box office. Ernest Scared Stupid had a budget of $9.6M and grossed $14.1M, therefore it made a measly $4.5M profit, which is interesting considering it premiered in October of ’91 for the Halloween season. There have been numerous correlations made about Ernest Scared Stupid’s storyline paralleling Disney’s Hocus Pocus, however it premiered in July of ’93. They’re both live-action Halloween themed family films, they were both glossed over in their original releases, but each have a big cult following nowadays. Looking deeper into the films, the creepy historical introductions are followed by classroom scenes with someone narrating about the unpleasant events and its curses against the villagers. In addition, both lead hero boys meet up against their school bullies before facing their paranormal foes: the troll and the witches; they need the souls of children to become invincible or eternal youth. Both main characters inadvertently resurrect Trantor and the Sanderson Sisters.
The movie poster, VHS, & DVD covers have Ernest screaming whilst popping out from inside a pumpkin with a cemetery behind him, which is interesting because there are no cemeteries shown in the entire film. There was a rumor of the Troll originally digging up dead children to feed off of and Ernest was a caretaker for a cemetery, however there is no evidence of this theory and yet it seems likely. Although the story takes place on Halloween in Missouri, there’s no fall foliage or real pumpkins because they shot in the spring.
Rotten Tomatoes gave Ernest Scared Stupid a rating of 17% and its Audience Rating is 50%. Just goes to show ya that viewers aren’t afraid of dumb funny flicks! Those lame, serious “movie reviewers” just don’t know good, clean, fun silliness!
This is one of my childhood favorites because this movie goes a hundred miles an hour! There are so many layers: jokes, pop culture & historical references that you discover a NEW one every time you watch it! In preparation for writing this review, I caught numerous clever pokes that my head is still spinning. The genius that lived inside Jim Varney’s brain is on another level. His theater background required him to memorize abnormally long lines of dialogue. His impersonation skills equipped him to be a comedic legend. I’ve heard of this combination before with the late Don Knotts, for instance. Both men were classically trained professionals who found fame in the comedic realm. Serious actors who brought serious laughs. They knew the scientific formula to create magic on stage, which translated on-screen too.
I recommend Ernest Scared Stupid to be a relatively safe introduction movie for your kids, young niblings (nieces/nephews), and grandkids who want to tiptoe into the horror genre. This little gem is the gift that keeps on giving, really. Passed down from generation to generation, just like the Worrell clan; from Phineas to Ernest P. I can relate (no relation, haha) to Ernest because I, too, always try to do the right thing yet.. sometimes I mess up and somehow it all turns out to be okay in the end with a little help from your friends (The Beatles or Joe Cocker, haha). Even if some of your friends may be youngsters, old biddy hermits.. or covered in fur! Friendship holds no boundaries. Regardless of your BFF’s DNA, IQ, DOB, or BMI! Check out this silly, not-so-scary cinematic sensation that every member of the family will enjoy. The variety of humor will be sure to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
‘Twas such an honor that Jaimie asked me to collaborate with him, again, on his creative project, Rob’s Video ‘zine! As I mentioned in my Vintage Trolling, Intergalactic Pals, Imaginary Frenemy, and Sob Storyteller blog posts, we were originally inspired to create vintage good/bad movie posters whilst watching the documentary: 24×36: A Movie About Movie Posters (highly recommend). Jaimie decided to take the lead on the overall design of the movie poster, however I did initially suggest including Earth Kitt, but it seemed heavily uneven so we ultimately decided to forego that idea and utilize that space with a moonlit sky to balance out the treehouse in the background. Jaimie did end up redrawing Earth Kitt’s character, Old Lady Hackmore, as additional imagery to feature in his ‘zine. I formatted the movie title, advertising slogan, and billing block. Per usual, we will not color this movie poster because we will eventually display it along with our other four black and white movie posters in our living room as an interesting conversation piece for when people visit!
We recently celebrated Ernest Day at a modern-day souvenir shop called KY4KY in Lexington, Kentucky; which just so happens to be the hometown of late Jim Varney who played Ernest P. Worrell. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing multiple people in costume, hilariously designed items, and special guest Justin Lloyd, a local biographical author who just so happens to be Jim Varney’s nephew. Of course, I bought his book and had him sign it. I’m looking forward to reading it and learning more about the comedic genius! Justin informed us that a Jim Varney documentary will be premiering soon, which I’ll be keeping tabs on when and where. Check out our weekend road trip here!
My now husband and I creatively collaborated for a fourth time! I re-introduced him to another one of my childhood favorites; the movie called Cry-Baby. It’s a raunchy spoof sprinkled with a classic charm! We utilized this flick for his new-ish magazine called: Rob’s Video (you can purchase it here).
We’re taking a time warp to 1954! No, not to Rocky Horror Picture Show, but.. you’re getting warm, haha! Alright, so, just picture it: a high school gymnasium with two long lines of teenagers anxiously waiting to be stabbed with a giant needle, which I presume to be for the polio vaccine. There are two distinct cliques: Drapes and Squares. Drapes are provocatively and darkly dressed, greased back haired guys in jeans and black leather jackets, girls in form fitting, short dresses, high heels, and with heavy makeup. Squares are conservatively and brightly dressed, guys in zoot suits, girls in cardigans, poodle skirts, saddle oxfords, with minimal makeup.
A Drape falls in love with a Square at first sight. The pair later discover they’re both orphans; the Square, Allison (played by Amy Locane), her folks died in an airplane crash. The Drape, Wade “Cry-Baby” Walker (played by Johnny Depp), his folks met their demise in Old Sparky. Cry-Baby’s sister, Pepper, is a pregnant teen mom who “can fight like a man,” played by John Waters’ Hairspray lead actress, Ricki Lake; she gives birth to baby #3 in the back of a car that’s playing chicken. Guess the adrenaline rush induces labor, haha! The bloody crazy punk rocker OG, Iggy Pop, plays Cry-Baby’s & Pepper’s uncle. Former underage porn star, Traci Lords, plays a Badass Drape Bitch, who uses her “bazooms as weapons” to ward off creepy, predatory geezers. Her “Mrs. June Clever” mom is played by none other than Patty Hearst, a former convicted felon (bank robber) whilst under the influence of a terrorist organization who kidnapped her. Another Drape gang member named Hatchet-Face plays a mean saxophone. I mean, who can resist a sexy sax?! I know I can’t, haha!
In my first two movie reviews, 1986’s Troll and 1988’s Mac & Me, they each had random musical/dance numbers that had no relevance to the storyline whatsoever; however this 1990 flick is a.. ♫ MUSICAL! ♪ This flick is where Grease meets Jailhouse Rock, minus the authentic singers. That’s right, Johnny Depp lip syncs every number in Cry-Baby! Even though Depp can sing.. he has provided vocals in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie in a drunken duet ditty of “Yo Ho a Pirate’s Life for Me.” Years later, Depp reveals his singing chops in the musicals: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street and Into the Woods. Johnny Depp is in touch with his musical side, he’s played guitar in a couple rock bands: Rock City Angels, Pink Grenade, & Hollywood Vampires. Johnny Depp doesn’t dance either, however John Waters somehow talked him into briefly cutting a rug with his fellow juvenile delinquents. Depp has openly admitted that he has two left feet. Even his Mad Hatter’s Futterwacken dance in Alice in Wonderland was CGI! I’m sure the bone bending moves and 360° head spinning had a little to do with it, haha!
This provocative parody packs a punch! And the punch is spiked, so watch at your own risk! You can expect the following and more: Unwanted panties thrown onstage. Licking a lover’s lonely teardrop. Graffitied cars with sugar poured down their gas tanks. French Kissing Lesson 101. A blown up jukebox. Unforgiving noogies. An inflamed, runaway motorcycle. Obnoxious, too-much-tongue-makeout session. A flat tire on an iron lung and then being jacked up to put on a spare. Dropping a trio of F-Bombs, two of which are comedically bleeped so they could keep their PG-13 rating. A glass jar filled with overdramatic, low-spirited tears, and drinking them. An inmate’s ass unexpectedly smacked by a guard as he hops up on a top bunk bed. A boosted helicopter. A three story dumpster dive. Repeatedly pressing personalized license plates of the same name: “Allison.” A needle prick prison tattoo of a lonely teardrop. A pair of tighty whities scooting through a manhole. Giggling vermin. Faux Siamese twins on display in a painted freak show circus glass cage. And a ziplining bunny.
Cry-Baby had a budget of $12M, it grossed $8.3M domestically by the end of its theatrical run, making it a box office flop; even though it was shown in 1,000+ cinemas — an unprecedented number for a John Waters film. Rotten Tomatoes gave Cry-Baby a rather high rating of 73% and its Audience Rating is 77%, which I think is quite generous considering these “professional movie reviewers” seem to despise the majority of my childhood favorites. This one may be the exception. I believe the reason why Cry-Baby resonates with me is because.. sure it’s a silly parody; however, it cleverly pokes fun at the ridiculousness of cliques, colorful language, and anybody who’s.. different. I can relate to not fitting in with the crowd and ruffling feathers along the way just like the Drapes do. I can proudly say I am the only person in my family with a mohawk who went to public school. On a personal note, everytime Cry-Baby says Allison’s name, I swoon and imagine Johnny Depp is speaking to me. He can press my license plate anytime! Check out this crazy camp cinematic tearjerker. I’ll be damned if there won’t be a dry eye in the house.
‘Twas such an honor that Jaimie asked me to collaborate with him, again, on his creative project, Rob’s Video ‘zine! As I mentioned in my Vintage Trolling, Intergalactic Pals, and Imaginary Frenemy blog posts, we were originally inspired to create vintage good/bad movie posters whilst watching the documentary: 24×36: A Movie About Movie Posters (highly recommend). Jaimie decided to take the lead on the overall design of the movie poster because I was drawing a blank on any suggestions or critiques. I was struggling with how to situate the two main characters that made sense for the storyline and to think of an original idea. Of course, it hit me like a bolt of lightning! Right before Jaimie was going to print, I had a last minute suggestion for a entirely new composition! Jaimie was a good sport, he begrudgingly went back to the drawing board, and created the final concept I pitched to him. Luckily, he’s a quick illustrator. I formatted the movie title, advertising slogan, and billing block. We may not color this movie poster, because we think it stands on its own in black and white. We have officially displayed our four movie posters in our living room. We finally made some wall space! Feels good to have a collaborative display piece that you can brag about when guests visit!
Well, a lot has happened in the past year. I’ll try my best to give you the SparkNotes version. Last May, I proposed to my partner on our 4yr anniversary. If you click the previous sentence that is underlined (hyperlink), it will direct you a website showcasing how I proposed.. and his answer.
Nine days later, I had an unfortunate misstep and injured my ankle and needed surgery, however my temp job did not want to give me time off to do so, therefore they let me go.
I found myself.. having a lot of time on my hands so I could heal, recover, and reevaluate the direction of my life. Literally, one step at a time. I took the advice of my therapist(s): redirect my negative thoughts into productive, positive thoughts/actions and.. start wedding planning. Every girl’s dream! Well, almost every girl, haha.. I’m a simple gal who has been a bridesmaid in a few weddings and I know I’m anything but traditional.. including the groom-to-be.
In preparation of proposing, I had an inkling that Jaimie would ask me if I had a date in mind. I thought a year engagement would be sufficient, so I looked a calendar year ahead, and discovered the day before our 5yr anniversary was.. Friday the 13th! It just so happened to be.. Jaimie’s favorite horror film, his favorite number, he has the number 13 tattooed on his forearm, and his previous cat’s name was named Thirteen. Plus, it was close enough to our anniversary date to where we didn’t have to remember two different dates. Just a day apart. Not bad. Without even realizing it, we had our wedding “theme.” Most people predicted I would have a Disney themed wedding, however I didn’t have any real expectations or preconceived plan or elaborate dream wedding in mind. I knew I wanted our day to be a collaborative event. Representative of both Jaimie and I. Jaimie not only said yes, but he was on board for the Friday the 13th date and theme. I mean, I knew he would be. How could he not be intrigued? I also knew he’s not a fan of weddings, in general, so it was effortlessly easy to entice him with a fun concept!
I knew Jaimie was the one on our first date. Not exactly “love at first sight,” but I had a gut feeling that our chemistry had potential to be off the charts. I later discovered this feeling is called:
This overwhelming feeling drove me to do some pretty presumptuous things.. such as.. buying a wedding ring for Jaimie.. after dating for only a year. I was helping a recently engaged friend of mine pick out a wedding ring for her future husband at a jewelry store near where we just had brunch. This jewelry store was having a sale. A store closing sale. Up to ninety percent off. My friend chose a ring. The ring she didn’t choose, but I had liked, I asked the sales clerk how much it was. She said it was originally five hundred something, but it’s sale price was less than fifty. I couldn’t believe it. Seemed too good to be true. I consulted with my friend and before she could answer, an older gentleman overheard us and interjected: “If you were proposing to me, I’d say Yes. Go for it!”
I let my folks know of my recent purchase and my half baked future plan to propose with no further details. They insisted that I ask for Jaimie’s parents’ blessing. I shrugged off their suggestion as it was an outdated, old fashioned tradition. And yet.. I couldn’t shake the thought that his folks are old fashioned, so it made sense to ask them. They laughed.. and.. laughed. Ultimately, I did not get their blessing. And I didn’t blame them. We had only been together a year, so I understood their hesitancy.
This minor setback did not deter me from purchasing my wedding dress a couple months later. I was on my way to the produce section at Meijer, I had to pass the women’s clothing dept, all their new Easter/spring dresses were out.. there I saw.. the perfect little white dress.. I grabbed it, bought it, put it in the back of my closet, and forgot about it.. Couple weeks later, I was putting laundry away.. in the back of my closet.. and I saw that perfect little white dress.. which reminded me, I needed to try it on. I hung it up on the back of the bathroom door, unbuttoned it, and noticed.. Well, let me preface by saying Jaimie doesn’t usually sign his artwork. He signs: “As you wish.” A quote from the movie The Princess Bride, which means “I love you.” So, I noticed the dress tag said: “As U Wish.” The company name is what Jaimie signs on his artwork! Like I said, “perfect little white dress.” I just didn’t know how “perfect.”
I knew I wanted to propose in a creative way.. since Jaimie and I are both artists in our own ways. I had numerous ideas: custom photo puzzle of us with a comic bubble coming from my mouth, “Will you marry me?” Or a photo slideshow of us throughout our relationship, maybe even recruit our family members and friends to contribute with their approval of our relationship by spelling out “will you marry me” in each photo. I also knew I wanted to propose on our anniversary. Originally, it was going to be on our 3yr anniversary during our vacation in New York City, however COVID threw a wrench in that plan. We cancelled our trip. Also, I had lost my job of 5.5yrs. I was in between multiple temp, freelance jobs and I did not have the confidence to follow through with my proposal plan(s).
Luckily, with the encouragement of a dear friend, he told me: “Just go for it because love doesn’t wait for the right time.” I decided a week before our 4yr anniversary to make plans to propose. Once everything was ready, I asked Jaimie’s folks again for their blessing and this time.. they did not laugh. His mom happily cried and they gave their blessing. Whew, I couldn’t believe I had sat on that ring for 3yrs! I asked Jaimie the biggest question I had ever asked.. Anyone. Ever. Click here to find out how.
I designed our wedding invitations, I created a Facebook event, for those who weren’t on social media, I texted them or emailed them.
Our friend was kind enough to offer his services as our officiant. He was dressed as a Camp Crystal Lake Counselor: polo shirt, short shorts, tube socks, whistle necklace, ball cap, sunglasses, and clipboard. We collaborated on the wedding ceremony officiant script. If you click the previous sentence that is underlined (hyperlink), it will direct you to it.
We sprinkled the spooky throughout: our attire, accessories, shoes, props, décor, food, even my hair! See if you can spot ’em all!
Our hockey masked flower girl was Jaimie’s 11yr old niece who did a fantastic job of creepily stalking about the park. Speaking of the park, I had researched multiple local parks that would compliment our Friday the 13th theme. A lot of them were connected to the city or county and they wanted thousands of dollars for five minutes, which was crazy! I finally found a park, Lindner Park Nature Preserve, that did not have a website, only a phone number that they never answered; nor was there a way to leave a message, thus I deemed it.. the park. We decided since we couldn’t ask permission for having our wedding ceremony there, we’d have to go Guerrilla Style.
I have internally debated over the years about sharing this story on social media, however I have only shared it with a few select individuals from time to time when the occasion called for it. I consider myself a private person for many reasons, number one being for my safety and well being. As I type this, I keep editing it and then promptly deleting it and thinking: “Who cares? I mean, really? But then.. Maybe.. I’ll do it for me because I can’t stop thinking of its importance.. all these years later? Yeah, that’s enough, right? Well, here it goes..“
It was the year 2000, I was in the seventh grade, first period music class was being held in the cafeteria, we had a substitute, thus it naturally became a free study period to do as we pleased. I chose to catch up on homework, being the studious kid I was. I found myself caught in the middle of a paper wad fight between two boys. I quickly became annoyed so I collected the stray wads on and around my work-space as they came and sat on them. The bell rang, one of the boys demanded I give him back the paper wads, I stubbornly refused, he persisted, but I stayed put. The bell rang again, he finally acknowledged my unwavering tenacity, and he retreated in a panic per his tardiness which garnered an automatic demerit.
My never-ending curiosity was ignited, so my girl friend helped me open each paper wad to discover the reason for his persistence. One by one, we unraveled doodles, rough drafts of assignments, blanks, and then finally.. There was an organized hit list in his handwriting, first victim was the music teacher who was absent that day, who coincidentally was a neighbor of mine. The list continued: fellow classmates who held popular statuses, infamous teachers, an unpopular Office Administrator, and the rest were unbeknownst to us. How I knew it was his handwriting was because I knew this kid, we grew up down the block from one another, we were in the same classes together, our sisters were in the same Brownies/Girl Scouts troop, I had been to his house numerous times, I knew his father was a Police Officer and an avid gun collector (recalling his locked wooden/glass case in the living room).
My girl friend and I quickly discussed what we should do: she asked, “Is that a..?” I nodded. She proceeded, “Do you think he’s capable of doing something like this?!” I nodded. [crickets] I had flashbacks, seeing black and white surveillance footage of kids fleeing their school cafeteria the year before on every TV channel and thought: “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let this go.” I handed her the hit list wad and said: “Give this to that substitute, tell him everything, if he doesn’t seem interested, then take it to your dad!” Her father was our Math teacher and the head football coach who tolerated no nonsense. I continued in the same breath whilst gathering my books, “I better hurry so he doesn’t suspect (“he” as in the boy), we have second period together too!“
He was expelled from Butler County schools for two years, I heard from my mom that he was home-schooled by his mother, and attended counseling until.. he was deemed safe to return to the public school system. We saw each other again in our ninth grade Civics class, he sat right behind me, I silently feared for my life everyday for a year, never speaking of it again until well after my academic career.
Fast forward years later, I decided to move out on my own, I went to a local furniture store to compare prices, I saw him from across the sales floor, he was their delivery employee, sporting a lower lumbar back brace support belt with suspenders, I abruptly averted my gaze, formulated a quick exit strategy, so I “browsed” in record time and left before he noticed me.
I find myself thinking of this often, now more than ever, and I think it’s important to.. Go with your gut, listen to your conscience, and act. I think I was meant to be there. I was at the right place, at the right time, and under the right circumstances to.. Help this boy, my school, and myself. I felt a duty to do so because I was fortunate enough to realize this was a serious matter. At the age of 12. Yes, 12. I am proud of myself for acting. I could have just.. disregarded it, went on with my day, maybe gossiped about it to a couple classmates, or occasionally pondered.. But by then, it may have been too late. This was an invaluable lesson that taught me.. That the real world is a scary place, but one person can make a difference. I chose and choose to be that one person. I implore you to be that one person. I’m counting on you. You can count on me.
*To those few who are my junior high classmates (their parents too), you may or may not of heard of this almost happening at our/your child's school, but it's true. I thought of you and am thankful you're still here today. I am thankful I am still here. I hope you are too.**Originally posted via social media on February 15th, 2018
***Re-shared via social media onMay 25th, 2022****Utilized writingprompt to share via blog:"Have you ever spoken up when you saw something going on that was wrong? Were you scared? What ended up happening?"
My fiancé and I creatively collaborated for a third time! I introduced him to another one of my childhood favorites; the movie called Drop Dead Fred. At surface level, it’s a complete ridiculous bonkers film.. yet it’s deeply and colorfully good! We utilized this flick for his new-ish magazine called: Rob’s Video (you can purchase it here).
A doting mother reads her sweet daughter, Elizabeth, a wholesome bedtime story. The youngster asks: “Did they live happily ever after?” The mother replies: “Of course, if the beautiful, young girl had been naughty; the Prince Charming would’ve run away.” The little girl’s natural response was: “What a pile of shit!” Kids say the darndest things! And.. cue the early 90’s animated opening credits sequence! That’s how ya know it’s the start of an awesome flick!
The little girl, Elizabeth aka Lizzy, grows up to be dumped by her cheating husband, her car is stolen, along with her purse.. all on her lunch break! She returns late to work and.. she loses her job too! She’s forced to leave her apartment she shares with her douche husband because her overbearing Mother demands she come home with her. Elizabeth sleeps in her childhood bedroom where she finds her forgotten, closeted childhood toys, and one of them starts to play a musical tune in the middle of the night. As she opens the taped up Jack-in-the-Box, an orange and green puff ball poofs out, bounces about the room, and rolls under the pastel pink twin bed. Lizzy investigates this mysterious dust bunny and is startlingly reunited with her long-lost playful imaginary friend named.. Drop Dead Fred! He wreaks havoc.. and chaos ensues! You gotta check this flick out to see how!
Drop Dead Fred is not a movie for children, yet the trailer paints it to be quite innocent. How misleading, I know! This could be the reason why my folks let me watch this movie as a kid. It has a PG-13 rating, where the Mother is referred to as “The Mega Bitch” a couple times, however is later referred to as “The Mega Beast” so they could keep their PG-13 rating.
The brilliant portrayal of Drop Dead Fred was played by the late Rik Mayall, an English stand-up comedian, actor, writer, author, narrator, voice actor, and stage performer; the majority of his credits are from British productions. This is his only American role that I remember seeing him in growing up. Rik Mayall’s quick wit, comedic timing, and slapstick is the best I’ve seen next to the late Robin Williams, which makes sense as Williams was initially offered the role of Drop Dead Fred, however he chose to play Peter Banning in Hook instead.
The mousy Lizzy aka Elizabeth aka Snot-Face is played by the 80’s hottie Phoebe Cates best known from Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Gremlins. Lizzy’s best friend, Janie, is played by none other than.. Princess Leia! Ahem, I mean.. the late Carrie Fisher; she originally auditioned for Lizzy, but she was considered “too old.” Ugh, how rude!
In my previous movie reviews, of 1986’s Troll and 1988’s Mac & Me, they each had random musical/dance numbers that had no relevance to the storyline whatsoever; however this early 90’s flick, Drop Dead Fred, doesn’t have any of that. It’s unusual and immature all on its own! The humor is as lowbrow as it gets with picking of noses then wiping snot on faces, purposely walking in dog shit then stepping on freshly shampooed white carpet, looking up women’s dresses, brief male bare bottom nudity, and serving steamy mud pies for breakfast and dinner.
There are numerous special effects (for its modest budget of $6.7M = £3.6M) such as Drop Dead Fred pinballing around rooms along with cartoon sound effects (Boink! Aoogah! Splat! Zoom!), appearing/disappearing with a magical twinkle, a head being smashed by a fridge door, being run over by an oncoming fire truck and leaving only a pair of bright red shoes behind in the middle of the street, a deflated car whizzing about like a balloon, a magical tree growing out of a staircase, a body engulfed in flames, a set of eyeballs bulging out, and steam blasting out of some ears. Drop Dead Fred grossed $13.8M over its entire theatrical run and £1.7M in the UK.
I believe the reason why Drop Dead Fred resonates with me (still, after all these years) is because on the surface, it seems like a silly comedy; but it’s deeper than you can imagine! This movie is about embracing your inner child, using your imagination, and standing up for yourself even if no one believes in you. Speaking of “not believing,” Rotten Tomatoes gave Drop Dead Fred a rating of eleven percent (super lame), however it has an Audience Rating of seventy-seven percent, which I think speaks volumes to the mass of dedicated Drop Dead Fred fans who are more open-minded to this amazing dark fantasy screwball dramedy cult classic! You should give this one a try. It’s a goodie with a hilarious, fun loving baddie! I pinky promise you won’t be disappointed!
‘Twas such an honor that Jaimie asked me to collaborate with him, again, on his creative project, Rob’s Video ‘zine! As I mentioned in my Vintage Trolling and Intergalactic Pals blog posts, we were originally inspired to create vintage good/bad movie posters whilst watching the documentary: 24×36: A Movie About Movie Posters (highly recommend). Immediately after viewing the movie, Drop Dead Fred, we brainstormed the overall design of the movie poster: Fred popping out of the jack-in-the-box toy/prison, picking his nose, and wiping it on Elizabeth. Our final concept paints a clear yet disgusting picture of what kind of film this is: immaturely fun yet brilliant! Jaimie drew our ideas to life and I formatted the movie title, advertising slogan, and billing block. We will, for sure, color this movie poster, because it’s the most interestingly fun illustration we’ve conceptualized thus far. We will absolutely display it somewhere in our home. We just gotta find the wall space.. Ugh, haha!
I’m looking forward to collaborating with Jaimie again soon for his next issue of Rob’s Video! Please stay tuned. You don’t wanna miss it!
A Picture is Worth a Thousand-ish Words 